


Memories of Us

by Lune_qui_vit_dans_ses_Reves



Series: Memories are timeless treasures of the heart [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel
Genre: Alya Fitzsimmons - Freeform, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Loss, Post-Canon, Pregnancy, Scottage, Spoilers for 7x13, Well as canon compliant as the year time skip can be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:01:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25896370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lune_qui_vit_dans_ses_Reves/pseuds/Lune_qui_vit_dans_ses_Reves
Summary: Memories can never truly be forgotten, but they can take some time to be remembered.After her run in with Nathaniel and the Chronicoms, Jemma lost almost all of her memories. Her memories of her team, her husband, her daughter, and who she had been before.What exactly happened between Jemma forgetting everyone and everything and the year time skip?A year in the life - how Jemma remembered what was important and found that was enough.
Relationships: Alphonso "Mack" Mackenzie/Yo Yo Rodriguez, Jemma Simmons & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Leo Fitz & Jemma Simmons, Leo Fitz/Jemma Simmons, Phil Coulson/Melinda May, Skye | Daisy Johnson/Daniel Sousa
Series: Memories are timeless treasures of the heart [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1948840
Comments: 71
Kudos: 139





	1. The End or the Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> They can't give us memory loss, a time skip, and Fitzsimmons' daughter and not expect me to write anything about it.

Jemma sat on the couch watching Alya run around the room, her stuffed monkey in hand. In the other room, people were having a conversation about their next steps and what they were going do. She could have been in there with them, but she didn’t remember who any of them were. She knew she had known them once, but she had forgotten their names and their faces. They had been to her wedding, well, some of them, and one of them had even officiated, but she didn’t know why they had been there and why they were important to her. And she couldn’t deal with everyone staring at her as if she was going to shatter into a million pieces anymore. So, she had excused herself early on in the conversation and escaped away to spend time with the only person who didn’t treat her as if she were any different than who she was from before. 

In the corner, a man who had introduced himself as Daniel Sousa sat watching her daughter, and also herself. He had offered to sit with them – in order to ease everyone’s minds that she was not going disappear again (apparently, she had a habit of being kidnapped or disappearing?) – and so he was there was well.

He also looked like he was expecting her to break apart at any moment but didn’t treat her as if she were fragile like the others did. When everyone had gotten back from their respective missions, he had gestured to his leg and said that anyone who could create this would surely remember everything in due time and he had apologized for not stopping the person who had kidnapped her.

Not knowing what he meant by creating his leg, which seemed biologically impossible, and not remembering being kidnapped, she had gracefully accepted his apology, even if she had no idea what he was talking about. But he was willing to just sit there and not talk, and for that she was grateful.

She was tired of talking. Of constantly being confused and having to look over at Fitz or someone else who wasn’t speaking and plead with her eyes for them to explain the context of what was being referenced in the conversation. She knew she was missing so much, and she wanted to understand, she just wasn’t able to.

Those were the moments she missed the boy, no man, who had been with her on the ship the most. He had been so quick to help her understand what was going on and remind the others that she had no memories to work off of when they mentioned something that quite often flew over her head. Jemma didn’t know who he was exactly, but she missed him. She wanted to see him again and tell him thank you for staying with her, for helping rescue her, and for guiding her through those awkward few moments with everyone before they realized she had lost her memories. He had been important to her and while she wasn’t sure why that was, she hoped he was happy, wherever he was. (Someone had mentioned in passing an alternative timeline so maybe one day she would see him again in this timeline. She would occasionally be reminded of him in her daughter’s smile and the way her nose crinkled up when she laughed, but that, that was impossible… Wasn’t it? He had been her age, after all.)

Of course, she had some of her memories. She remembered her daughter, her precious Alya. Or well, she remembered that her daughter existed. She remembered her name and that they had needed to hide her away in a containment pod for her safety when they went on their mission. She remembered where that pod had been and how to access it and she remembered showing her the stars as they flew through space in the star system which housed the star that she had been named after. She remembered sitting on the couch on that ship watching a movie with her when she had been no older than a year old – the soft weight of her tiny body a tether to that memory. But she didn’t remember much else. She couldn’t remember her first steps, her first words, or what it had felt like to hold her for the very first time. She loved her daughter, her everything, more than anything in this world or any world. But she wished she could _remember_ everything.

Like Fitz. She wished she could remember Fitz. She knew she knew him, knew she had married him if the ring on her finger was any indication and the child now playing so gleefully with Sousa was any proof, but she didn’t _know_ him. She had few memories of the years they had supposedly spent together on a vehicle she had heard the woman named Daisy refer to as “the Bus,” their years at some place called Sci-Ops or the Academy, or their months spent at “the Playground.” “The Playground” was apparently was not actually a park filled with equipment that children – and adults – could use to exercise, if the strange face that the woman who had introduced herself as Agent Melinda May, but then been told to call her Melinda, had made when she asked about that was anything to go off of. 

But she did remember his face when she had mentioned finding a cottage in Perthshire. She didn’t think she could ever forget his reaction when she had mentioned it. It was right after everyone had returned from their various missions to stop the Chronicoms and the whole team had gathered in the lounge and were discussing what they wanted to do next. Fitz had caught her eye from where he sat next to her and looked at her with such emotion on his face that she knew he would follow her wherever she went. She could be on a planet in a completely different galaxy and he could find her. At that moment, she could hardly remember him, but she knew the fact of the matter was, that he would always find her. Moved by that she had blurted out the possibility of moving to Perthshire.

Immediately after she had mentioned it, and she hadn’t thought she had spoken all that loudly either, all conversation stopped around them and everyone had turned to stare at her.

But it was Fitz that caught her attention more than the hopeful look on Daisy’s face or the concerned look on the man who had introduced himself as Alphonso Mackenzie and then had promptly told her to just call him “Mack.”

“You want to move to Perthshire, Jemma?” Fitz had asked, his voice wavering ever so slightly that if she hadn’t known that she had supposedly known him for almost half of her life she’d have been very confused in being able to pick up on it. “You know that’s in Scotland.”

“I know where it is, Fitz.” Had been her immediate response and one she said without even thinking. And if she had thought that everyone had been staring before, they only stared even more when she had replied in that way. 

“What?” She had asked concerned that she had said something wrong and fallen into a pitfall that she hadn’t even known existed. “I’m sorry. Did I do something wrong? Is there something wrong with Perthshire that what I shouldn’t have said that? I just thought…”

“No,” Daisy had said blinking a few times as if she were trying not to cry. “You’ve just mentioned settling down in Perthshire before.”

“Oh, well then.” She had internally breathed a sigh of relief that she hadn’t accidentally offended everyone.

“How about that, Fitz? You, me and Alya in Perthshire. Do you think you can brave it?” The words slipping out of her mouth with a hint of a smile she had no idea why it was playing on her lips. She only knew that it felt like the right thing to say.

And if his reaction to her mentioning Perthshire had taken her breath away, the way he stared at her when she asked that truly stole her breath away. The emotion dancing in his eyes – love, her subconscious told her – that was paired with so much sadness as well made her want to reach out and hug him.

But she held back. She knew him, in the depths of her mind she knew him, and she was married to him and they had a daughter together, but she didn’t truly know him and was unsure how he would have responded if she had hugged him at that moment. She had noticed that since he had returned and he had made that initial move to - hug her, kiss her, do whatever with her in that bar in the alternative timeline world that was still a little fuzzy – he had refrained from touching her. A choice which she honestly appreciated. But in that moment, that single moment, she wanted nothing more than to reach out and hold him.

“Of course.” He had finally said, his hand reaching out to close the distance between them. Grasping her hand in his much larger one, he had half laughed to himself, the laugh strangled in his throat. “Jemma, your hands are freezing,” he had whispered and looked as if he wanted to say so much more, before adding a bit more loudly, “Of course we can go to Perthshire. You went there once when you were a little girl and always said that you loved it. So, I think you’ll still like it even if you might not remember going before. I’m going to go check on Alya. You stay here.” 

And then he had gotten up and walked away far more quickly than she thought he normally walked, effectively ending the conversation.

Turning back to everyone else who were still sitting there, she had looked down at her hands before looking back up at everyone again. “I take it that mentioning Perthshire wasn’t my only mistake in that conversation. Was it?” She asked her eyes settling on Daisy.

“You’re fine, Simmons, no, Jemma.” Daisy much like everyone else was slowly adapting to her request to be called only by her first name. She knew that many organizations much like the one they explained they worked for often called people by their last names, but she no longer remembered that woman and everything she had done and was much more comfortable being called by her first name instead.

“Fitz is just…” A loud crash had cut Daisy off from finishing her sentence.

Turning her attention from Daisy, she saw Mack getting up, “I’ll go see what happened. You all stay with Sim-, Jemma.”

She had looked back at Daisy hopeful that she would continue her explanation, but all she had said was, “Fitz will be okay, don’t worry. You’ll both be fine.”

And that was it. No one would tell her anything more claiming that her memories needed to return in their own time.

So, after that conversation, a few days had passed to let everyone meet Alya and let them somehow find a charming little cottage in Perthshire that made her smile every time she thought of it. She had no idea how Fitz had managed to close on it so quickly, but it truly was a lovely place and she thought that Alya would love it as well. There was space in the garden for her to play and plenty of open skies to stargaze at night. So, she was excited to leave and see what became of their life there.

In the back of her mind, she knew that the goodbyes that were soon to be said should be more painful but lacking her memories of exactly why they were so important, it was hard to feel sad about leaving. Still, for Fitz who she knew had spent much longer with the team, it was surely painful for him to say goodbye. Which was technically what they were doing in the other room. But for her, without knowing why goodbyes were being said the way that people chose to say goodbye that way, they were merely people having a conversation about their next steps and what they were going do next. Still, even from how far she was sitting, she could see the sadness and pain so clearly playing out on everyone’s faces and that she could empathize with.

* * *

“But what if they never come back?” Daisy asked, shooting a quick look at the woman wearing her Jemma, her sister’s face and body and yet retaining none of her memories that had made them sisters.

“What are you going to do if she never remembers?” her second question asked half strangled at the thought.

“Then we live with it.” Fitz looked over at Daisy, for the first time since he returned and had found out what had happened allowing her to see how much it weighed him down. “The dangers of reminding her of everything at once and overwhelming her causing serious damage to her brain and her memories are far too great. She has to remember on her own.”

“But…”

“I’m not happy with it either, Daisy.” Fitz ran a hand through his hair before covering his face. “But what else can we do? We can’t force her to remember. They have to come back on their own time.”

“But she’s remembering somethings Fitz. We all saw your reaction to her comments about moving to Perthshire. Are you sure you can’t just stay here, stay with everyone until she remembers?” She all but begged looking around at Yo-yo, Mack, May and Coulson for support. “I don’t want to say goodbye. Not so soon.”

“I wish we could,” Fitz shrugged, “but you saw how happy she was about the idea of moving to Perthshire and in all honesty, I think she’s a bit overwhelmed with everyone here. Maybe if she just focuses on remember Alya and me and a more familiar location, she’ll remember everything more quickly.”

“But she still doesn’t know that it’s actually _your_ cottage, does she, Fitz?” Daisy asked.

Fitz shook his head. “No. She has no idea that she was the one who chose it, decorated it, and even designed the lab. All she thinks is that we got really lucky finding it. But I’m hoping that seeing it in person will help bring her back.”

“Which is yet another reason why you need to leave. You’re right. I know you’re right.” Daisy sighed, “I just… We just got you back and we just got to meet Alya.” She paused again.

“But, if it’s best for Simmons, then okay.” She sighed again before throwing herself at him as he caught her in a hug. “Goodbye, Fitz. Keep them safe.”

“With my life. But you knew that, Daisy.” Fitz told her as he let her go.

“Mack, you know how to reach us, if you need me. We’re retiring…”

“A sabbatical,” Mack corrected him with a laugh.

“…Retiring to see if some time and space helps her regain her memories. But I’ll still be willing to consult if you have any problems with tech or questions, I just don’t know how...” He looked through the glass at Jemma who had moved to sit on the floor as Alya animatedly told her a story moving her plush monkey around as she did.

For a second he could almost pretend they were back in space during those precious few years they had together as a family. 

“For now, you have to do what’s best for your family. I understand Turbo,” Mack looked around at his team, his former team, “we all understand. Do what’s best for Simmons, and for you, and for your daughter. You deserve it.”

“Take care of her,” Yo-yo squeezed his shoulder in support. “I know you’ll be fine but take care.”

“We’re just a phone call away. Let us know if we can help in any way.” May moved to give him a hug, surprising him but he accepted it all the while. She released him with a small sigh and a slight smile on her face.

Looking over at Coulson, “I can come stay for a bit. See if that helps to jog her memory?” the LMD they had created in Coulson’s image offered with a shrug.

“After all, I know a little bit about forgetting something and then remembering everything.” He laughed a little. “But, at least you know exactly what caused the memory loss and there shouldn’t be any danger of strange drawings needing to be made or random trips to exotic locations.”

“We’ll be fine.” Fitz responded, glad that Coulson was right that they did know, more or less, what had caused Jemma’s memory loss and that it had nothing to do with GH.325. “Enjoy your time exploring. You deserve it.” 

“So, do you, Fitz. Be happy. Be happy, Fitz.”

* * *

“Goodbye sir,” Jemma told the man who had been introduced to her as Coulson who smiled at her before she turned to the woman besides him, “Goodbye May, no, Melinda.” 

“May is just fine, Jemma.” She responded before pulling her into a quick hug. “You take care and call if you need any help.”

Jemma nodded before reaching Mack and someone who had told her to call her Yo-yo even though her name was Elena Rodriguez.

“Goodbye Mack.” She smiled up at him who in turn pulled her into a hug.

“Stick with Turbo, Jemma. You two are good for each other.” He told her before letting her go and nudging her gently in Yo-yo’s direction.

Yo-yo didn’t say a word, but instead simply opened her arms for a hug. Whispering in Jemma’s ear, “Remember, the steps you take don’t need to be big,”

“…They just need to take you in the right direction.” Jemma finished the saying and Yo-yo nodded. “Thank you.”

Turning to the last person standing there who was obviously trying to hold back her tears, she walked over to Daisy.

“Goodbye Daisy. Oh…” She murmured as Daisy pulled her into a tight hug.

“Not goodbye. I’ll see you later.” Daisy voice broke as she held on to her best friend. 

Jemma smiled slightly. “Of course. You’ll stay safe, won’t you? You’ve got your own Fitz now, after all.” The words were whispered into her hair, but she knew Daisy had heard her and that what she said must have meant something to her when instead of a response, Daisy just squeezed her even tighter before letting her go and walking her over to where Fitz was standing with Alya.

“Alright,” Fitz sighed, “this is goodbye then. Don’t be strangers. And we’ll see you again soon.”

Then that was it.

They took buckled Alya into her seat on their Quinjet and flew towards Perthshire, Scotland, and their new life. Fitz had offered to have her sit in the back with Alya who had quickly fallen asleep as soon as the plane had taken off, something which Jemma knew instinctively was quite normal for her, but she had deferred, preferring to sit in the front with him. Other than their flight to get their daughter, their time in Perthshire was going to be the longest amount of time they were together by themselves and she thought it was best to start being more comfortable around Fitz. While she had tried to make small talk for a little bit, for the most part they had been flying in silence. That is until Fitz’s voice cut through the stillness.

“You okay, Jems?”

“Just thinking,” she replied gazing out at the deep blue ocean below them. “I keep thinking of the first law of thermodynamics and I don’t know why.”

He once again reached out his hand and she took it as he continued her thought, “that no energy in the universe is created and…”

“…none is destroyed.” They said in tandem.

“Exactly,” she said looking over at him, a pensive smile on her face. “It’s nice to think about, isn’t it? That every bit of energy inside us, every particle will go on to be a part of something else. That if we hadn’t succeeded, that we would go on to live as something else one day.”

She turned to look back out the window. “I don’t know why I thought about that all of a sudden. It’s been years since I must have thought about physics.”

Jemma didn’t expect him to respond and for a long time he didn’t until he lightly squeezed her hand saying, “Well, you never known. Maybe in some of your lost memories you thought about physics more than you think you have.”

“Maybe,” Jemma said, giving into the urge to look at him once more and was surprised to see that his cheeks were suspiciously wet as if he had been crying.

Ignoring her sudden desire to brush away his tears in case she overstepped his boundaries, she asked the question which had been burning in the back of her mind since she had blurted out the idea of moving to Perthshire. “We’ll be okay, won’t we?”

Feeling his had squeeze hers much more tightly for a moment, Fitz was quiet before looking over at her a small, but sad smile on his face, “Together? We’re unstoppable.”


	2. Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall.”  
> – F. Scott Fitzgerald
> 
> Fall brings about new challenges and new memories as Jemma, Fitz and Alya start to make a home in Perthshire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for how long this has taken to post. I wanted to have a friend look over it, but with everyone in grad school, sometimes there just isn't all that much time in the day. Nonetheless, I do hope you enjoy this chapter!

_September_

“Daddy, is Mama okay?”

Fitz looked up from the schematics he was looking over as a favor for Mack and over at his daughter who stood in the doorway to his study bathed in sunlight and studied her for a few minutes. While she had his hair and his eyes, her face was all Jemma from the way that she tilted her head when asking a question to the little crinkle in her nose that appeared when she was thinking too hard. 

“Why do you ask, sweet one?” Fitz finally asked swallowing hard. He had hoped Alya wouldn’t notice anything was amiss, but of course their daughter would immediately notice that something was different and that the woman, her mother, who had freed her from the containment pod was not the same as the one who had put her to bed the night before in that same exact pod. That the one who had cuddled her to her chest apologizing the whole time and whispering of all the things they would do when she woke up was not the same woman who now stood downstairs in the kitchen finishing making breakfast.

“Because Mama didn’t ask how Flo was this morning.” She said holding up the stuffed monkey to show her father that she had been cradling in her arms. “And she can’t remember the names of Gigi or David either. And she always knew their names before, Daddy.”

“Plus, she’s been cutting my pancakes into squares instead of triangles like she used to so that we could make stars with them. And she smells different, Daddy.” Alya wrinkled her nose, her forehead scrunching up just the tiniest bit once again making her almost a mirror image of her mother. 

“And,” she added quietly, “she doesn’t call me “Love” anymore. She always used to call me “Love,” Daddy.”

Opening his arms so that she could run to him, he pulled her into his lap and hugged her tight. “Oh love, your mama’s just a little confused right now. So, we’ll have to do our best to be patient with her and give her time. Do you think you can do that?”

Alya looked up at him a pensive look on her face, but agreed all the while with a cheerful, “Yes, Daddy!” 

“Thank you, love.” He whispered as he brushed a kiss to the crown of her head. “We’ll also have to help Mama and let her know about some things. Like, I’m sure that if you tell Mama that you prefer your pancakes to be cut into triangles, she’ll cut them like that for you today and you can both make stars out of them.” 

Alya perked up at the idea and smiling up at him, scrambled off his lap to take off for the kitchen where her mother was undoubtedly waiting for her. But, before she made her way to the kitchen, she paused again in the doorway. Looking up at her father, she asked in a tiny voice, “But Mama will be back one day, right? She said she might have to go away for a long time, but I didn’t know she’d be here and be gone. I thought she would be taking a trip like Uncle Enoch did.”

“Oh, Alya.” Fitz gave her a small smile. “You know your mama loves you very much and will be back as soon as she can be.”

But before she could respond, a voice called out, “Alya, sweet one, breakfast is done!”

“Go have breakfast,” Fitz told his daughter, “and please tell Mama I’ll be down soon. I’m just finishing up something for Uncle Mack.”

“Okay, Daddy. I love you!” Alya called as she ran down the stairs.

Sighing, Fitz dropped his head into his hands and sat there for a few moments before standing up to dig through the cabinet on the opposite side of the room. After a few seconds of rummaging, he found what he had been looking for.

Sitting down on the couch he had moved into his office in order to give Jemma space and the bed in what was supposed to be their bedroom, his finger gently traced the outline of him and Jemma on their wedding day with the whole team surrounding them, both their faces shining with joy. While he might not have been the Fitz who was in the picture, Mack had sent him the video he had taken for Yo-yo of their wedding and he had memorized every single line, every word that had been said.

He had known this was a possibility when they designed Diana. The need for Jemma to forget his location to protect him and Alya had been far greater than their desire for her to be able to remember them. She hadn’t wanted to forget, had fought him all the while about needing to forget, but at the end of the day, she had agreed just as he did that in order to protect their Alya, their everything, she would use the implant knowing all the while the risks that it held.

What he had told Coulson was true – that at least it wasn’t the Chronicoms’ version ofGH.325 or something like that – but they also didn’t know what it was that the Chronicoms had injected her with. Deke had been the one who had been there with her, but he hadn’t been able to tell him anything more than that he saw them inject something into her. He remembered that it was supposed to be a way to force Jemma to remember where Fitz was so that they could find him. It had, in a way, achieved its goal by causing her to talk about marriage, which was ultimately the key to creating the machine that brought Fitz into the alternative timeline. But Deke had also thought it must have negatively interacted with DIANA and the memory loss the implant had already caused her to suffer. It was his theory, Deke’s theory, that instead of forcing her to remember Fitz, it had caused all of her memories to be lost, which was a theory that Fitz thought did hold some weight based on her response to seeing him and her interactions with their team.

If it were him who had suffered the memory loss, he was sure that Jemma would have figured out what had caused it in a mere few weeks – as driven as she would have been to return her husband’s memories to him and have him return home. Memories of their team, memories of their life together and the love they had shared, and memories of their daughter. But instead, because of the brain injury he had suffered when Ward had dropped their pod into the middle of the ocean and Jemma had dragged him up with her from the ocean floor, he was the one left remembering. He was the one left behind once again. Yet, for the first time, she had gone to a place from which it was impossible for him to rescue her. She was the only one could remember what she had forgotten and no matter how much he wanted to sit down with her and tell her everything about their time together, Alya, all of their adventures as a team and how much he loved her, he knew that he couldn’t without putting her mind at risk of being overwhelmed and causing even more damage than what had already been done.

And no matter how much he wanted her to remember his love for her and no matter how much he desperately wished to pull her into his arms and hug her once more and kiss her once again, which he hadn’t done since that day they had said goodbye, he knew he couldn’t. He loved her too much to put her in that sort of danger and to run the risk that she never remembered anything about their daughter. He would never put their daughter’s relationship with her mother at stake. And he would never do anything to make his wife uncomfortable. He knew that with the limited memories she had regained, she still didn’t remember their story and wasn’t comfortable with physical affection or really even touch. They lived together and were raising their daughter together, but to Jemma, he was still very much an acquaintance or friend as compared to a husband or her lover.

But she had chosen to stay when she could have left, for Alya.

Their Alya. Their star. Their everything.

“Fitz! Are you joining us for breakfast? Alya and I are waiting for you!” Jemma’s voice pulled him from the depths of his mind and with one last caress of the photograph, he put it back in its drawer before heading down to join his loved ones.

“Coming! Did you and the little monkey start without me?”

* * *

_October_

Jemma hadn’t meant to touch it. She had just been working to tidy a few things up before Fitz got back from his trip to the States on urgent business for Mack. Fitz hadn’t wanted to go, arguing that his place was with her and Alya here in Perthshire. But she could see how much he wanted to go. After having spent the past few months with him living in their cottage and raising their daughter, working to regain her memories which slow and hard work which hardly ever seemed to have any true benefit - what was the use of knowing that the correct scientific classification for cuttlefish was Animalia Mollusca Cephalopoda Decapodiformes Sepiida, which when she had asked Fitz he had just laughed and told her that apparently she had liked studying cuttlefish as a child – she thought that he deserved a break. So, she had convinced him that she and Alya would be perfectly safe on their own and at the first sign of trouble would run to the panic room and call one of the 6 numbers that had been programmed into the speed dial of her cell phone. She doubted that it would come to that as they hadn’t had any trouble since they moved here but had promised him that’s what she would do and had seen him off with Alya held in her arms earlier that week.

She had been picking up some of the papers that Alya had left in Fitz’s office where she liked to occasionally play. Thankfully, he had promised Jemma that anything dangerous was locked away under a biometric lock that only a few people could open, although she was still worried that Alya would find a way to open the desk drawers. Bending over to pick up the paper that had somehow ended up stuck in the corner under the desk, she put her hand on his desk. All of a sudden, the desk quickly lit up and one of the drawers unlocked sliding open causing her to jump back in surprise.

“Well,” she murmured to herself, “that won’t do. I wonder why you opened, but best to close you before Fitz comes home or Alya comes to play in here and decides she wants to go digging in her daddy’s desk.”

Moving to close the drawer, a gleam of silver caught her eye and without knowing why she moved to pick it up. The familiarity of holding a gun – a night-night gun, no, an ICER, her subconscious mind informed her – scared her, but it was the images flashing through her mind which scared her even more. 

She saw herself talking with Daisy before sneaking down a hallway to try and plug something into the wall, or attempting to accomplish that, as she was stopped by a man about her height, but heavier than her who proceeded to ask her what she was doing. She saw herself begin to panic and say all sorts of strange things before finally giving up and pulling out a gun much like the one she was holding and shooting him in the chest.

_“Don’t spiral, just say something. Anything.”_

_“You certainly have a gorgeous head, don’t you? I like men about my height but heavier than me.”_

_“Was that alright?”_

_“That was terrible. You are terrible at this. That was a total meltdown… We need help, you need to go get May.”_

She had shot someone? She knew that it wasn’t the first time she had been forced to use a gun, given everything she had seen and what little she could remember of her time with SHIELD, but she had actually shot someone? But it was an ICER which just paralyzed and knocked people out and didn’t kill them.

_“Oh, with a dose of 0.1 microliters of dendrotoxin. I’m not Hermione. I can’t create instant paralysis with that!”_

She wanted, no needed, answers and she knew just who to call. Putting the ICER back into Fitz’s drawer and making sure it was closed and locked tight so Alya couldn’t find it, she made her way down the hall.

Peaking in on Alya who lay fast asleep tucked sweetly in her bed, Jemma couldn’t help but smile. Alya’s many stuffed monkeys lining the wall next to her and Flo, who Alya had reintroduced to her, was tucked right beside her. Sometimes she was amazed that she had had a hand in creating such a sweet and darling little girl.

“Goodnight, Alya. Goodnight, sweet one,” she whispered closing the door quietly as she continued on to her bedroom.

\------

“Alright.” She said staring down at the phone in her hand. “You can do this, Jemma. You need to do this for Alya and Fitz. You need to try and remember.”

Picking up the phone, she pressed two and waited for it to connect.

“Jemma? Jemma, what’s wrong? Are you alright? Is Alya alright?” Daisy’s voice frantically asked.

“Skye.” Jemma instantly responded causing Daisy to immediately stop talking. “No, that’s not your name is it? That’s what we called you once though, but…” Jemma paused for a second.

“That’s the name you chose for yourself. And when you found out your real name, we all started calling you Daisy.”

“That’s right, Jemma.” Daisy agreed with her, her voice slightly muffled through the phone. “That’s right. Do you remember that?”

Jemma sat down on her bed. “I think so. I don’t remember much, but I remember calling you Skye a long time ago.”

“Jemma.” Daisy’s voice suddenly sounded happier than it had ever sounded since Jemma had been reintroduced to her on the Chronicom’s ship. “But that’s not the reason you called, is it?”

“No.” Jemma answered shaking her head even though she knew Daisy couldn’t see her. “I have a question for you, and I think you might be the only person who can answer it.”

“Alright. Shoot it at me.”

“Well…” Jemma couldn’t help but laugh a little. “That’s actually the whole point of the call. I was cleaning up the papers Alya left in Fitz’s office and a drawer opened and when I went to close it, something silver caught my eye and I picked up what I think is called an ICER and then I started seeing the strangest things…”

“Oh Simmons,” She could hear Daisy quietly whispering to herself as started telling her story, “please tell me you haven’t shot another superior officer in the chest.”

Jemma had a feeling that Daisy hadn’t actually meant to say that out loud, but if she had said that then, “So that actually happened?” she couldn’t help but ask.

Jemma jumped slightly at the sound of scraping metal and the sound of Daisy getting up and walking somewhere else. “Wait, Jemma, you remember that as well?”

“I think?” Jemma’s eyes found a picture of her, Alya, and Fitz that they had taken not long after arriving at the cottage that she had hung up on the wall. “I think I told someone I liked their head and that I liked men about my height but heavier than me as well…” The secondhand embarrassment – or was it firsthand embarrassment because she had been the one who had said it? – was so obvious in her voice.

“Ah yes…” came Daisy’s response. “Well, we don’t actually like the person you shot very much, so no harm done there. You were so proud when Fitz asked you what you had been doing to tell him that you shot Sitwell in the chest. Do you happen to remember anything else?”

“Just little things here and there, but nothing big. I’m sorry, Daisy.”

“No worries,” Daisy paused for a moment. “They’ll come back in time and the next time Sousa, Kora and I come back to Earth, we’ll go on another adventure and we can bring Alya as well.”

“Daisy Johnson, I am not above getting into more of your bad girl shenanigans, but in no way are we involving my daughter!” The words were out of her mouth before she even realized what she had said. However, once she realized what she had said, she immediately started to apologize.

“I’m so sorry, I don’t know why I said that.”

“Spoken like a true mother.” Daisy laughed off Jemma’s apology, but her seemed a little more subdued. “Alright, no bad girl shenanigans for little Ms. Alya, but we’ll have another adventure soon, Jem. I miss you.”

“I miss you too, Daisy.” Jemma replied before hanging up. So, it had all been real. What she had seen and remembered seemed too specific to be made up, but she had needed to check. Her memory had failed her once already and she didn’t know what to do if it failed her again. But Daisy had seemed happy during the call, happier than she ever remembered her sounding, and that was wonderful. So maybe if she couldn’t remember for Fitz or Alya, at least she had made someone else happy today.

\------

“How is she?” Daniel immediately asked as Daisy made her way back to the cockpit. “Are you okay?” He asked after taking into account the tears in her eyes and her slightly red nose and moved to hug her.

“She fine. She’s better than fine.” She paused for a moment before sinking into his embrace. “She called to ask about an old memory that she had started to remember.”

“Which was?” He gently prompted her after she had stopped talking again.

“Our first solo adventure together.” Daisy replied before looking up at him a smile shining brightly on her face. “For the first time since we got her back, I think she might actually remember everything one day. And we’ll have Jemma back, our Jemma.”

* * *

_November_

“Jemma? What are you doing out here?” Fitz asked as he carefully approached his wife who sat on the couch holding what appeared to be a cold cup of tea and was staring glassy eyed at the wall.

Sighing softly, Jemma put down her teacup on the side table and slowly raised her hand to her temple, her brows furrowing as she began to massage her forehead.

“Jemma, are you alright?” He asked again as he reached where she sat and knelt down in front of her.

Startling slightly, Jemma’s glazed eyes drifted down from the wall and began to focus on him. “Fitz, what are doing here?” She asked when she finally registered his presence. “It’s 3 o’clock in the morning. Shouldn’t you be asleep? What are you going to do when Alya wakes up in the morning and goes to wake you up?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” He replied, taking into consideration the dazed look she still had. “You’re going to be tired tomorrow as well.”

“I couldn’t sleep so I came out to have a cup of tea, but it looks like I’ve been sitting here longer than I thought I had been.” She answered before patting the seat next to her as if to tell him to get off the ground and just sit next to her.

“Ah… Sleep troubles.” He nodded. “You couldn’t sleep or you fell asleep and dreamed of something and then woke up?”

“I can’t keep anything from you, can I?” Jemma laughed slightly.

“Well, we are married,” He gently reminded her. “But I know you Jemma. I’ve loved you longer than you can even remember.”

“That’s right. Holy matrimony. Two becomes one and then three becomes one,” She murmured to herself before answering Fitz’s question. “The second. I had the strangest dream about a floating corpse, an electric spark, mice, and falling out of a plane.”

At Fitz’s sudden inhalation of breath, she glanced over at him. “And a vaccine?” He asked, his voice soft and low. 

“An anti-serum, you know that Fitz,” Jemma immediately corrected him.

“Of course, an anti-serum. How silly of me to confuse the two. But what about the dream?”

“I woke up when my body hit the water and since I couldn’t go back to sleep, I came out here to sit for a bit and think.” She turned away from him and returned to staring at the wall. “You know, we really ought to teach Alya to swim. Even if she was born in space, with our track record and bodies of water, it’s better safe than sorry.”

“Of course.” Fitz agreed. “When it’s warmer next summer, we’ll find a pool and start teaching her.”

“Good.” Jemma sighed, “She was always such a happy baby and really did love her baths, didn’t she?”

“She did.” Fitz’s voice caught slightly. “She was the happiest baby in the world.”

“And you’re doing so well with her.” Her voice took on a dream-like quality. “You’re doing so well with our Everything and she’s so lucky to have you as her dad.”

“Jemma.” Fitz couldn’t contain the sob that left him nor the tear that slipped down his cheek.

“Oh Fitz, don’t cry.” Jemma turned back to face him, her hand running softly down his face before gently cradling his cheek. “It’ll be alright. I promise everything will be alright. You know my love for you grows deeper and always will, no matter where the universe takes us next.”

Fitz nuzzled his face in her hand for a moment longer, relishing the feeling of her touch and the cool of her wedding ring she still wore against his face. “We should get to bed. Alya will be waking up soon and it won’t be good if we’re both tired.” He finally told her standing up and holding his hands out to her.

“Of course.” She acquiesced taking both of his hands and allowing him to help her up.

“Thank you.”

As Jemma leaned heavily on him as they made their way to her bedroom, Fitz was reminded of the long hours they had paced the halls on Zephyr One waiting for Alya to make her debut. Opening the door to her room and carefully leading her to her bed, he froze as she brushed a soft kiss across his cheek.

Sighing he pressed his lips to her crown before pulling away and making his way back to the door.

“You aren’t staying?” He turned around to see Jemma lying there, her eyes hooded as she fought falling asleep.

He leaned heavily against the door before answering, “You know I can’t, Love. I wish I could, but I can’t.”

“Alright.” She murmured as her eyes drifted close. “Good night Fitz, I love you.”

“I love you too, Jems. I love you too.”

\------

Fitz ran a hand over his face as he wearily sat down on the bed he had pulled out from his couch. It was time for him to go to bed as well.

But, before he fell asleep, he had something he needed to do. Placing his hand on his desk to unlock his drawers, he reached into the second drawer and pulled out a phone.

“It happened again.” He typed before sending it.

He watched as the message registered as read and a response was quickly sent back. “What was it this time?”

“The Chitauri virus.” He didn’t want to go into more detail, but if he knew Daisy, he knew she was going to ask more questions.

“And?” And there it was. He decided he wanted to play dumb for a moment so he responded back to her question with his own, “And?”

And then the phone rang. Making sure his door was completely shut so he wouldn’t wake up Alya or Jemma, he picked up the phone.

“Fitz, it’s past 4 am there. If you’re still awake, it’s because she mentioned something else besides just that dang virus.” Daisy’s voice came across the phone. 

Fitz sighed before responding. “She mentioned that we didn’t have much luck with water and suggested we teach Alya to swim as soon as possible.”

“And?”

“And remembered how much Alya loved baths as a child and that she was a happy baby.” Fitz shared remembering for a moment how during one of her baths, Alya had decided that she wanted to share the joy of bath time with both her parents and they had ended up with more water on them then in Alya’s tub, but they had laughed and laughed as they dried her and themselves off.

Daisy paused for a second before carefully saying, “So, she remembers, but she doesn’t remember at the same time.”

Fitz nodded before he remembered that Daisy couldn’t see him. “Yeah. Her memories are still there. So at least we know when they melted the implant, they didn’t completely erase her memories for good if the past 5 times this has happened is any indication.”

“And how are you, Fitz?” she asked her voice taking on a softer tone. 

“I’ve been better, Daisy.” Fitz answered honestly knowing Daisy could understand how he felt. “When she’s like this, she’s my Simmons, my Jemma, my wife. She remembers everything and then to see her the next morning and have her remember so little? It’s hard. It’s really hard.”

“We can come back, Fitz.” She offered, “Say the word and we’ll turn the ship around and be there with you and Jemma and Ayla. Maybe Kora’s power can do something to help fix Jemma’s memories and bring them back for good.”

“No,” Fitz sighed again, “it’s okay. You’re needed out there. We’ll get through this just like everything else this bloody universe has thrown at us.” His voice raising a bit at the end. 

“ Okay,” Daisy finally agreed. “Keep us updated and don’t be afraid to reach out if you three need any help. You know we’re just a phone call or text away.”

“I will. Goodnight Daisy.”

“Goodnight Fitz.”

Hanging up the phone and tucking it away in its drawer, he lay down to go to sleep. He needed to try and get a few hours of rest before the new day dawned. After all, he had a daughter and wife who needed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter - let me know what you thought! 
> 
> The next chapter should hopefully take far less time to be posted, but until then, stay safe and healthy.


	3. Winter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home."  
> -Edith Sitwell
> 
> Winter brings returning memories, developing relationships, and the hope of spring.

_December_

While Jemma had been expecting the knock at the door, it still startled her when the sharp rapping cut through the quiet peacefulness of their cottage. Looking up from where she sat on the ground watching Alya put together another ocean themed puzzle, her eyes tracked Fitz as he made his way to the door.

It was almost as if he could feel her watching him as, before he opened the door, he caught her eyes with his, silently asking if she was alright with what was about to happen.

In all truthfulness, she wasn’t fully comfortable with the idea. She had a better idea of who some of the people coming were, and everyone had always been so kind to her since her “accident” as they had taken to calling it, even if that wasn’t entirely the correct word. More importantly, they absolutely adored Alya, and Alya loved spending whatever time she could with them. However, she hesitated as Fitz had gotten used to her fragmented memory and the moments when she started remembering and got lost for a little bit, but she was unsure how everyone else would respond.

According to Fitz, there were two ways she had begun to remember. The first were the flashbacks and the memories that came racing back when she saw something or experienced something that she had previously seen or lived through in the past. That triggered a part of her memory and while the experience of remembering things this way was a bit overwhelming, it was much preferred to the second way she remembered things. At least when she remembered things like that, she was able to hold onto those memories for good.

The second was a bit more painful for everyone involved. Well, everyone except her. She could never remember what happened when she started remembering things this way. Fitz’s hypothesis was that when the Chronicoms and Nathaniel had melted DIANA and then injected her with the serum, the two had interacted and formed some sort of block in her brain. Nothing showed up on any physical scans, but when Fitz had told her, he had also admitted that the problem seemed much more of a medical or biochem problem as opposed to an engineering one.

They had consulted quite the plethora of medical experts, but no one seemed to have any answer. Very few of them were familiar with or even knew that Chronicoms existed and even fewer had any hypothesis about what could have happened.

And the Chronicoms themselves were of little help. They had all but disappeared, ceding the battle, and those that remained, what had been done to give them empathy had also destroyed their knowledge of what was essentially torture in their eyes, so they could provide little advice.

Instead, she was the one who found herself pouring over the data and trying to understand what was written in an attempt to find a way to restore her own memories. She had little success though as all of her knowledge and memories about biology, chemistry, field medicine and medicine in general had also been affected by whatever had happened to her.

When she remembered things this way, Fitz likened it to all of the neural connections that had been severed by DIANA melting combined with the use of the Chronicoms serum to rectify that – Fitz had another working hypothesis that the serum they had used was supposed to fix the neural connections and force all of her memories to come back but that the Chronicoms hadn’t expected it to backfire and create total memory loss when it interacted with DIANA – were fixed. In doing so, she remembered everything. Everything she should have remembered. Every face, every friendship, every memory of her daughter, every experience with Fitz. But as quickly as it happened, it disappeared. They weren’t sure what caused this way of remembering and she never remembered what had happened when she remembered like this. Even worse, she never managed to hold on to anything that they talked about during one of these moments or whatever she mentioned.

Jemma hated it when it happened. Those brief moments of what could be compared to lucidness. The idea of giving someone hope and then snatching it away in an instant was awful. Every time it happened, and it happened most often with Fitz, when she “returned,” she was forced to watch as the joy drained out of his eyes and his face crumpled for just the shortest moment before he looked back at her with such love and patience that she didn’t know what she did to deserve it. She couldn’t imagine what she had ever done anything to deserve his love and devotion, not for someone who would willingly submit himself to what was surely torture.

Yet as painful as it was to watch her friend go through that, it was even more painful the one-time Alya had been present.

One moment they had been sitting on the couch marveling over the book on the cosmos that Alya had asked them to look at and the next she found Fitz kneeling in front of her, her hands grasped in his and Alya half hidden behind her father.

“Jemma?” He had whispered his brow creased with concern.

“I’m back. What happened?” She asked before looking over at Alya, concerned by what she saw. “Alya, are you alright, sweet one?”

But Alya had just stared up at her with tears in her eyes before nodding and running away.

Fitz had looked torn between running after their daughter or staying with her but had gone after urged him. As with all of these moments, he kept what had happened a secret as he worried that telling her would be akin to trying to force her to remember. However, she figured it must have been something important as Alya wouldn’t even look in her direction for the next few days without Fitz’s gentle prompting.

So, Jemma was hesitant about having so many people over and was terrified that something like that would happen once again. Yet, as much as she was concerned, she also knew that Fitz and Alya had been so excited about the impending visit that she couldn’t help but nod her head yes that he could open the door and welcome everyone into their home, her sanctuary.

Holding her arms out to Alya who scrambled into them, she picked up her daughter. “Let’s go say hi to your aunts and uncles.”

\------

Jemma sat down with a sigh. She had made the rounds thanking everyone for coming and wishing them a merry Christmas, and she was exhausted. The joy on Alya’s face and the way that Fitz’s shoulders had relaxed when he was surrounded by his, their, former team made answering questions about how she was and trying to remember everything that she could about everyone worth it. She had thankfully regained a few of her memories about each person – enough to understand how odd it was to call May, Melinda as she had requested – but it was still exhausting trying to read everyone and place what she could in context of what she remembered. She didn’t know if they had ever had a tradition of celebrating the holidays together like this to before, but if they hadn’t, she was sure that they’d be happening much more regularly if the laughter around the room was anything to judge on.

“Can I join you?” Jemma looked up to see Daisy standing by her.

“Of course,” she responded and gestured to the space next to her. “Please sit.”

They sat there in amenable silence for a few moments before Daisy finally said, “Happy Christmas, Jemma.”

“Merry Christmas, Daisy.” Jemma replied turning to smile at her when something caught her eye.

Cocking her head slightly, she took in the gloves – no, gauntlets, her brain corrected – that Daisy was wearing. Daisy noticed what she was looking at and silently offered Jemma her hand.

Taking Daisy’s hand in her own, Jemma gently ran her fingers over the intricately designed equipment.

“I remember these.” She murmured. “Well, not these ones. But I remember… Microthread.”

She looked up at Daisy, her eyes searching her face as if for confirmation. “The prototype was laced with a microthread I designed to help accelerate your healing and dampen the vibrations.”

Daisy nodded her head in confirmation.

“But these aren’t those ones.” Jemma continued, her voice soft, “You lost those ones years ago… Fitz? Fitz must have designed and created these ones, didn’t he?”

Daisy bit her lip before nodding her head once more. “Yeah, he did.”

“He did a good job.” Jemma praised as carried on with her examination of the gauntlets.

“The best.” Daisy agreed with her assessment.

Jemma paused for a moment, before looking up at Daisy, her eyes taking on a distant and slightly glassy gleam. “And you’re happy, Daisy? Truly happy with Sousa and Kora exploring space?”

Daisy felt her heart constrict. That question was pure Simmons. This was what Fitz had been telling them about. The moments when Jemma was lost in memories and for that moment remembered everything. This was her Jemma.

He had mentioned that what had originated in the moments in between sleep and wakefulness when she had suffered from a nightmare of one of her memories had started happening when she was awake as well. Daisy hadn’t thought, hadn’t dreamed, it would happen while everyone was visiting for Christmas, but yet… Here she was once more.

“I am. I’m really happy, Jem.” Daisy answered, a smile on her face. “Kora has just flourished out there in space and Sousa, Daniel, is just amazed by everything.”

“I’m glad. After everything, you deserve every happiness in the world.” Jemma pulled her into a tight hug, the warmth from her body seeping through and if Daisy closed her eyes, she could almost imagine they were back on Zephyr One or at the Playground or at the Lighthouse or even were those kids sitting on the Bus watching a rocket being launched into space. They were there and the whole team was there and everyone was happy and healthy and…

“I’m glad you’re here. You know, when we were out in space, we used to sit in the cockpit and would tell Alya stories of her Aunt Daisy, Quake, and how she was one of the greatest superheroes. She loved hearing how you never failed to save the day.” Jemma murmured before gently letting go.

Daisy was sat there shocked for a moment. Fitz had confided in her months ago that Alya loved hearing stories of all of their adventures together, but he had never told her that.

“I’ll have to tell her about my own adventures in space then.” She finally responded.

“I’m sure she’ll love that.” Jemma said turning away from Daisy to watch Alya hug Coulson and Melinda and introduce them to her newest stuffed monkey.

And then she was gone. Daisy watched as awareness flooded Simmons’ eyes and left behind Jemma.

Blinking a few times, she looked over at Daisy. “I’m sorry. What was I saying?” She asked.

“Oh no,” she said when she took into account Daisy’s silence and realized what had happened. “Did I…? Oh, I did it again. I’m so sorry, Daisy. Sometimes something triggers something in my brain and that happens. I was so hoping that it wouldn’t happen when you all were here. I wanted everything to be perfect for Fitz and Alya. It’s her first Christmas with everyone after all.”

Pausing as if she were trying to grasp at any thread of a memory of what had happened, she sighed as she gave up and she shook her head. “I can’t remember what we talked about, but I didn’t say anything wrong did I?”

“Not at all, Jemma. You didn’t say anything wrong.” Daisy reassured her working to keep her voice even and stop the tears that were threatening to well up in her eyes.

Because Jemma hadn’t said anything wrong at all. After everything that had happened – her fight with Kora, dying in outer space, her decision to take off and explore space with Daniel and Kora – all she had wanted to do was tell her best friend about it and how everything was going. To let her know that she was happy, that they were happy, and for one moment, she could. Daisy hadn’t hugged, truly hugged Jemma since before she had been kidnapped months ago and the tiny cynical part of her brain liked to whisper that Jemma was never going to remember everything and that in their fight to save Earth, they had not only lost Deke, but Jemma as well.

“Good.” Jemma smiled relieved. “Now, I think we were talking about your gauntlets. I think I can remember the design for the one of the original prototypes and some of the later iterations as well. But…” She paused trying to figure out a way to ask why Daisy felt like she would need to wear them visiting friends.

Thankfully Daisy understood her unasked question. “I know with everyone here, we’re as safe as can be, but…” she shrugged.

“I just thought better safe than sorry. And what better way to make sure that everyone’s safe than with a real live superhero?” She said making light of the question even though the real answer, _Because I couldn’t save you the last time_ lay on the tip of her tongue.

But it was almost as if Jemma understood, and squeezing Daisy’s hand tightly in her own she called over to her daughter, “Alya, why don’t you come over here and show Aunt Daisy the new fish that you got and maybe,” She said, pausing for a moment.

“Maybe she can tell you about some of her adventures in space.”

* * *

_January_

“Are you sure you just can’t ask her?”

“Mack, you saw her at Christmas. She remembers how much dendrotoxin is an ICER bullet, how they’re made, and how to shoot the gun. She remembers Daisy’s gauntlets, all about the cosmos, and she’s been teaching Alya all about cuttlefish. She remembers some of our time at the Academy and some of her research, but asking her to figure out what’s causing the problems with Yo-yo’s arms? I don’t know if she even remembers that they’re prosthetics.”

“Please, Turbo. We’ve asked everyone here, but no one can figure it out. These were your designs, yours and Simmons.”

Fitz sighed. He wanted to be able to help, he did. But he had looked at the data that Mack had sent and immediately realized that the problem fell in Jemma’s world of expertise and not his own.

He could create the plans and designs for the new arms Yo-yo seemed to be needing, but to ensure that they were attached properly and caused no long-term pain or problems, they needed someone with medical knowledge as well as biology and chemistry and most importantly, Inhuman biology. In other words, they needed Jemma.

\------

Jemma, who was currently standing outside of Fitz’s office and who had come upstairs to tell Fitz that she and Alya were going to run down to the store to grab a few things for dinner.

She hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but it had sounded like such a serious conversation that she hadn’t wanted to interrupt them either. So, she had waited outside the door until a pause in the conversation and had been surprised by the turn that it had taken. She stifled a laugh when Fitz mentioned not knowing if she knew that Yo-yo’s arms were prosthetics, because while it probably wasn’t obvious to everyone, all she had needed to do was glance at them to know what they were. Even if she didn’t remember everything she had done to earn her degrees and the depth of she had once commanded, she definitely recognized that they were prosthetics.

However, the idea of doing something and potentially helping someone sounded amazing. She loved spending time with Alya and she considered Fitz to be a dear friend, but sometimes she itched to do more. She dreamed of doing something, of discovering something new. The idea of knowledge for knowledge just drew her in.

With that thought in mind, and the conversation coming to a lull, she knocked thrice on the door before opening it.

“Jemma!” Fitz exclaimed as he spun around to watch her enter the room.

Making her way to stand behind him, her hand resting lightly on the back of his chair, she spotted Mack on the screen.

“Afternoon, Mack.” She greeted him. “Fitz, I was coming to tell you that Alya and I were going to pop down to the store before dinner, but perhaps I could help instead?”

“I couldn’t help but overhear what you were talking about, and I don’t know how much help I could be, but I’m more than willing to look at anything you send.” She offered.

“If you’d be willing to look at the designs and let us know of any ideas you have, we’d all be grateful.” Mack agreed. “I’ll send everything we have to Fitz and maybe you can make some sense of it.”

Jemma nodded. “I’ll take a look and let you know.” She responded before looking at Fitz, “We’ll be back in 30 minutes. I’ll let you finish your conversation.”

As she turned to go, Mack’s voice stopped her. “There’s no pressure, Jemma. If you don’t have any ideas that’s perfectly okay.”

“I’ll try my best.”

“And Jemma,” this time Fitz’s voice stopped her. “Be-“

“Be safe.” She finished for him. “We will be. Don’t worry. Have good evening, Mack.”

Jemma closed the door behind her before leaning back against it. She had something to do. She knew that Mack was telling her not to push herself and would be okay if she wasn’t able to help, but how she wanted to help. A smile lighting up her face and excitement thrumming through her body, she pushed herself off the door and made her way down to the foyer calling, “Alya, sweet one, are you ready to go?”

\------

True to his word, Mack sent everything he had about Yo-yo’s case to Fitz who in turned gave it to Jemma.

Sitting down at the table after wishing Alya goodnight and leaving Fitz to tell her a bedtime story as it was his night, she attempted to spread all of her materials out so that she could see everything that she was working with.

In her mind’s eye she imagined a holotable in the middle of a lab which allowed her to work with everything in 3D and she wished she had access one. It certainly would have been helpful to see all aspects of the design they were using for the arms.

As she dug through her piles looking for one of the papers she knew she had just seen and had earmarked it to return to – it was here somewhere… – she caught glance of Fitz leaning against the doorframe, a fond look on his face.

“I haven’t seen you this neck deep in papers since our first year at the Academy.”

“Yes, back when you told me only saw me as a sounding board and then promptly retracted your statement when we worked on the project for Vaughn.” She sniped at him, the words subconsciously leaving her mouth before she could even think about what they meant.

“Well… you know,” He bit back the response on the tip of his tongue. “It doesn’t matter,” He said pulling out a chair to sit across from her.

“Alya is fast asleep, so if you want to use me as a sounding board, I’m all ears.”

“It’s fascinating, Fitz. I probably only understand like 55% of everything I’m reading, but considering when I started, I only understood 50%, I’d say that’s progress.”

Jemma smiled up at him, her eyes crystal clear and present.

“I do think I understand why they’re running into problems though. The way that this chemical interacts with the nerves reacts differently when you introduce certain stressors to it. And, one would argue, this is certainly a stressor, so it’s no wonder that they aren’t getting the results they wanted.” She laughed a little.

“But, it’s all very interesting and I think I have an idea how to solve the problem, but I need to find the article that deep dived into different ways to connect the material and possible reactions and then compare those findings with this article and some similar studies,” she gestured to the pile of papers that was stacked precariously by her elbow, “but I can’t seem to find the article I need in all of these papers.”

She moved another pile of articles to the side which was piled high with stacks of papers, each paperclipped together and highlighted and covered with post it notes.

“So, if you want to help me look for this article, that would be great.”

“I’m happy to help, but maybe you could do with a bit more space as well. Our kitchen table really isn’t that big, Jem.”

At that remark, the pile of papers by her elbow finally slid off the table with a resounding thunk, as if it agreed with him.

“That might be a good idea.” Jemma smiled sheepishly as she stared at the papers that now lay scattered around them. “I’ll grab this side if you grab the other?”

“We’ll go work in my office.” He said grabbing the offending papers from the ground before picking up all of the other files from the table. “There should be enough room for you to spread out and find what you’re looking for.”

Once they had picked up all of the papers and files and material Mack had sent, they made their way up to Fitz’s office.

Setting everything down and carefully sorting everything back into the piles Jemma had previously had everything organized in, Fitz picked up the pile closest to him to see if he could find the article that she had been looking for. As he skimmed through the papers’ titles, he couldn’t help but watch as her eyes flew across the abstracts, Jemma’s face luminous as she started understanding more and more.

The allusion he had made to their time at the Academy hadn’t been wrong and there was little harm in mentioning it as she did remember quite a bit from their time there. But, watching her research and scratch down notes on her pad of paper, he couldn’t help but reminded of the girl he had once known. His best friend.

She still didn’t really remember any of their adventures or experiences together as a couple, but she had begun remembering their time at the Academy and the friendship that grew out of. Little remarks like Vaughn’s class, sharing a lab, or the Boiler Room were met with a smile and the knowledge that she knew what he was talking about.

She wasn’t the same woman he had spent 4 years in space building a life together, or the young woman who had joined Coulson’s team stars in her eyes and so excited about seeing the world, but before all that, before _everything_ , Jemma had been his best friend first and foremost. So, he was content being just being friends, no matter how much he missed her.

Smiling to himself, he returned to sort through the piles looking for the article Jemma had mentioned.

They worked together for the next few hours – Fitz offering his expertise in engineering when Jemma would ask him question as to how certain components of the arms were supposed to work and what the reasoning behind certain features were.

They had paused for a moment to have a quick cup of tea when Jemma gasped.

“I’ve got it Fitz! I know what they need to do.” She put down her teacup and without thinking she grabbed his face and pressed a kiss to cheek. “Thank you for being by my side the whole time.”

“I’m going to call Mack and Yo-yo to update them and then send the results off in the morning. I think they’ll be pleased, don’t you?” She called as she raced out of the room, leaving a flurry of papers in her wake.

Staring at the now open door, Fitz brought his hand up to his cheek where Jemma had just kissed him. _Yes,_ he thought, _they would be quite pleased indeed. And he and Jemma would be fine as well._

* * *

_February_

Jemma sat in Fitz’s office once again surrounded by papers and books as she flipped through the manual in front of her.

“Jemma, I’m going to…” Fitz paused for a moment taking in all of the papers spread out around the room again. “What exactly are you doing?”

Not pausing, she immediately replied, “Don’t worry Fitz, there’s no cat liver in here. I’m just doing a little bit of research.”

The time she had spent helping with Yo-yo’s new arms had opened the wellspring in her mind of pursuing her two PhDs and all of her research. She didn’t exactly remember why some of the projects she had worked on were so important, but she did remember how the microthreads in Daisy’s old gauntlets could be created, the exact formula for the dendrotoxin used by the ICERs, and her time studying GH.325. Although, that topic had quickly been shut down when she brought it up once to Fitz and in her bi-weekly phone calls with Daisy, she was equally tight lipped.

With her newfound memories, the desire she had to continue learning and the excitement that new knowledge held only increased 10-fold. So, she had offered to help with any side projects that they needed a medical or biochem expert for and Mack had been sending her a few files every now and again that he thought could use a second pair of eyes.

This however, well, this was a bit different.

“Jemma, what are you looking at?”

She looked up from her manual to see Fitz crouching in front of her. His eyes trained on the title of the book.

_Textbook of Traumatic Brain Injury_

Ignoring the urge to snap it shut and hide it, she watched as he took in the other books that lay open around her.

_Manual of Traumatic Brain Injury: Assessment and Management,_

_Brain Injury Medicine: Principals and Practice_

_The Traumatized Brain: A Family Guide to Understanding Mood, Memory, and Behavior after Brain Injury._

“Jemma.” He breathed, “You’re not looking at one of Mack’s files or your file, are you? You’re…”

“Looking at yours.” She confirmed. “I had asked Mack to send me a few of the files I remember working on that I thought would be helpful for the problem they’re having regarding Davis’s LMD, and he sent them along, but he also sent yours as well, and I didn’t mean to look, but then I saw something mentioning TBI and, well…” She gestured to the plethora of information surrounding her.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry. I just, well, I just needed to know for some reason.”

“It’s okay,” He said joining her on the ground. “You knew all of this better than anyone else once. I don’t know if I can tell you much, but if you have any questions I think I could answer, I’m willing to.”

“Well, I understand most of what the file says, but,” she paused for a moment. “This isn’t the first time we’ve been separated, is it?”

She had to ask. It was a question that had been bothering her since she opened the file, and she just needed to know.

Fitz sat very still for a moment before choosing to probe a bit more. “What exactly do you mean by separated?”

“I remember leaving and then coming back and then leaving again and you finding me. And then being separated and me finding you.” Jemma hesitated before continuing, her voice much softer, “And then this time, well, I’m here, but I’m not here. And this time you can’t come find me or rescue me, I have to find myself.”

“What a way to summarize our entire lives.” He barked out a laugh, trying to lighten the heaviness that seemed to enter the conversation. 

“But you’re right, Jem. This isn’t the first time we’ve been separated or the second or the third.”

At his confirmation that what she remembered was correct, they both sat in silence, lost in their own thoughts before Jemma finally whispered, “I don’t know how you both weathered it. Constantly being separated and torn apart. It’s almost as if you were both cursed.” She said the last part with a sarcastic laugh.

“What?” She asked when he said nothing and just stared at her, mirth in his eyes.

“Nothing. I’m just going to remind you what you said in the future.” He snorted, “cursed.”

“Why? Is that important?” Jemma stared at him, “We aren’t cursed, are we?”

“Nope, I’m not telling you anything. If you can’t remember it…” He chuckled, but at the sight of her fallen face, he sighed, the playfulness lost in his voice, “it’ll be alright, Jemma. I promise.”

“I know.” She agreed, “and I am sorry, Fitz.”

“For what?” 

“For leaving again. If I could remember, I would.”

“I know you would.” He took her hand in his and gently squeezed it. “And you will, Jemma. It’s just going to take some more time.”

“That’s what you keep saying. But it’s not fair! It’s not fair to Daisy and Mack and May and Yo-yo and Coulson. And it’s certainly not fair to you and Alya. You’ve been through enough. You deserve your happily ever after.” She wrenched her hand away from his and drawing her knees up to her chest, she buried her face in her hands.

“But I am happy, Jemma. I have Alya and I have you. I still have you, with or without all of your memories, you’re still here. And that’s enough.” He hesitated for a moment before placing a gentle hand on her back, the soft weight and touch providing more comfort than Jemma could put into words.

“However,” he laughed slightly when he finally continued, “I am going to need you to move everything to one side of the room. I do sleep in here, remember?”

Jemma raised her head and took in the sight of the papers surrounding them and those that were scattered throughout the room.. “Fitz,” she bit her lip for a moment before hesitantly pushing on, “how about we leave the papers the way they are and you join me instead.”

Fitz stared slack-jawed at her, but there was something in his eyes that gave her the courage to continue.

“We don’t have to do anything. Let’s not do anything, not until I remember more. But, I think we’ve been separated enough, don’t you?” 

“Are you sure, Jemma?” He asked uncertain if this was something she really wanted. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable and really, the papers are fine the way they are. I can go sleep on the couch downstairs.”

She nodded. “I’m sure. I might not remember you that way, and I might not love you that way either, but you’re my best friend, Fitz. And I want you there, with me.” 

“Okay,” He breathed, moving to stand up, “I’ll get my stuff.”

Jemma brushed a tentative kiss to his cheek before getting up as well, “I’ll see you soon.”

\------

“Are you absolutely sure?” Fitz asked standing at the side of the bed staring at Jemma who was in the process of turning down the bed and climbing into the other side.

“Oh for goodness sakes,” She exclaimed, “just get in bed, Fitz!”

“Alright, alright.” He laughed softly holding his hands up, “I just wanted to make sure.”

“I know you did. Thank you.”

Jemma watched as he lay down beside her and made sure he was situated before reaching over and turning off the bedside lamp.

“Good night, Fitz.” She murmured, turning away from him as she snuggled into the pillows, his extra weight on the bed comforting her in a way she could have only dreamed of.

“Good night, Jemma.” He whispered. _Happy Valentine’s Day, my love._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're making progress; yay! I figured after the scene with Daisy and the last scene in chapter 2, we needed just a little bit of fluff. (And the next chapter is a rollercoaster, so a bit of calm before the storm.)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter - let me know what you thought!
> 
> The next chapter should hopefully take far less time to be posted than chapter 2, but until then, stay safe and healthy.
> 
> Note: I know that technology is so ingrained in SHIELD, but I just HC that when they were at the Academy, Jemma used to prefer hard paper copies to virtual copies when she worked on projects and research. (There's just something about having a physical copy of something in front of you that you can flip through when looking for a quote or data…) Also, biology and chemistry are not my fields - public health and qualitative data are where I work and live - so everything about Yo-yo's arms was kept very vague.


	4. Spring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Spring will come and so will happiness. Hold on. Life will get warmer.”  
> – Anita Krizzan
> 
> Memories of an AI, a sandwich, and Alya. With spring comes hope and returning memories.

_March_

“Fitz?” Jemma’s voice carried from where she was sitting on the couch.

“Hmm?” He looked up at her from the ground where he was putting a puzzle together with Alya and gently nudged their daughter’s hand towards one of the pieces she had been looking for. 

“Who’s Aida?” 

Fitz froze for a second, ice beginning to crawl up his spine, before slowly asking, “Where did you hear that name?”

“I don’t know.” Jemma shrugged. “I just, I was reading this –“ she held up the book she was reading on human behavior as preliminary research for a question Yo-yo’s team had been struggling with before finally reaching out to Jemma in hopes that she could help them, “and the name just came to mind.”

She paused for a moment before hesitantly continuing, her voice barely louder than a whisper. “Who was she, Fitz? And why do I remember her?”

Jemma watched as emotions danced across his face before he finally said, “One second.”

He turned down to look at Alya who now that she had found the piece she needed, was contentedly putting together the 2000 piece puzzle of the solar system her Aunt Daisy had sent to her as a surprise. After that package had arrived, Fitz had called saying that she really didn’t need to keep sending Alya presents, to which Daisy had replied, “Fitz, I’ve missed how many birthdays and Christmases. Let me spoil my niece.”

That, of course, had settled the conversation and ended up with the whole team continuing to send Alya random things they thought she might like that they “encountered” during their adventures. Encountered being a strong word as he nor Jemma entirely believed they just happened to run into that many monkey related items or space related books and puzzles that the team kept sending to them. He and Jemma hoped that this would eventually stop as Alya had started to run out of space along the side of her bed for more stuffed monkeys, but her smile when she received the newest one and the joy in her eyes prevented them both from saying anything. There hadn’t been all that much while they were in space and while they had been content – how could they not have been content, together as a family? – he did agree that after everything, Alya could be spoiled just a little bit.

“Alya, love, do you think you can go to your room and work on your reading for a bit before bed?” He asked, “We’ll put this to the side, and we can come back and finish it tomorrow after dinner. How does that sound? Would that be okay?”

Alya’s eyes darted over to her mama who was sitting on the couch now looking so confused, lost and a little sad and then over to her father who looked even sadder than Mama. “Yes Daddy,” she agreed grabbing Flo, her favorite stuffed monkey from the ground. Walking over to her mama, she held the stuffed animal out to her.

“Here, Mama.” 

“What’s this for, sweet girl?” Jemma asked taking Alya’s gift in her hands, a bemused smile on her lips. 

“You just looked sad and when I’m sad, you hug me until I feel better. But, Daddy asked me to go read, so you can hug Flo instead.” She explained.

“Oh sweetie,” Jemma reached out to hug the little girl who eagerly clung to her mother. “Thank you, Alya.” 

“I love you, Mama.” Although Alya all but whispered her response, it seemed to ring throughout the room in Jemma’s mind. 

Yet, she couldn’t respond. All she could do was hug her just a little bit more tightly to her chest.

_I love you too._

The words were on the tip of her tongue, but she just couldn’t say them. She had tried time and time again, yet every time, the words simply died in her throat. So, instead she chose to bury her face on her daughter’s soft blonde hair and brushed a kiss to the crown of her head.

_I love you too._

“Alright,” she finally murmured, rue to let the little girl go. “Your daddy and I have to talk, but we’ll be done before you know it. Your daddy asked you to go practice your reading, so can you go pick out a book to read and we’ll read it out loud together before bed?”

“Yes, Mama,” Alya nodded before daring to press a kiss to her mama’s cheek and then quickly climbing off Jemma’s lap and skipping up the stairs her room. 

“And please close your door!” Fitz called after her as he pushed himself off the ground and gingerly sat on the couch next to Jemma. Then they waited in silence until they heard the click of her door closing and the patter of her little feet indicating she had settled on her bed and begun to read. He wasn’t worried about anything happening as Alya’s room had bio sensors to let them know immediately if anything happened to her, but he had a feeling the impending conversation had the potential to be a very loud one and he wasn’t sure he wanted Alya to bear witness to it.

Steeling himself for the conversation to come, he turned to face Jemma before finally saying, “Alright, let’s talk.” 

“Did you love her?” The words immediately burst out and Jemma ignored the urge to cover her mouth in an attempt to take them back. That wasn’t the question she had intended to ask, but it was the question that she needed to know the answer to, yet why did the idea of Fitz loving someone else sting so much?

“What?” Fitz stared at her incredulously as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Did you love her? You...” Jemma paused for a second, “you said that you loved her. You made her. You kissed her.” Her voice grew softer. “You kissed her and you, you shot me?”

“Jemma,” He hadn’t seen her react this strongly to any of her returning memories in a long time. But, of course, if any were to cause a reaction like this, of course it would be Aida and the Framework. Once again, his role in its creation and the ensuing chaos and pain was coming back to haunt him. 

“You lied,” Jemma continued, her voice catching as she continued to remember, “You lied, and you killed for her and you kissed her, and you shot me.”

“Jemma, please, let’s just talk.” Fitz pleaded desperately wanting to take her in his arms but trying to keep his distance and refraining from touching her at all. 

“And I was dead.” She around the room and at the ground as if seeing the forest and shallow grave she had been forced to dig her out of. “I was dead and Trip was alive.” Her eyes widened at that revelation. “Trip, I don’t know why that matters, but he was alive and...” she sharply drew in a breath. “And I shot your father, but I didn’t? And you shot me and put a gun to my head, but someone stopped you.” 

“Jemma,” his voice broke as he pushed back the tears that were threatening to fall. While he knew he had been forgiven for everything that had happened in the Framework, being forced to watch Jemma relive everything after she had so willingly and wholeheartedly never blamed him for anything he had done almost felt like penance itself. And yet, his heart ached.

“Please.” His voice cracked as the tenuous grasp on his emotions snapped for a second.

She looked at him, her eyes searching his face as if for confirmation that everything she said was true. “And you loved her. I remember that.” She hesitated for a second before continuing, her voice trembling as she paused after every word, “So, do you still love her, Fitz?”

“She was a program, Jemma.” Fitz’s eyes begged her to understand. “If you remember Aida, you’ll remember that she was a computer program that I helped to create, but that I regret. You _know_ that I regret everything that happened in the Framework.” 

“But if you made her...” Jemma sighed, “You created her and lied for her and protected her. She was your creation.” Her voice broke, “Do you wish she was here instead?”

“What? Do I wish Aida was here instead…?” Fitz asked attempting to work through what Jemma had just asked and hide how ridiculous he thought that question was. “Here instead of…?”

“Instead of me!” Jemma exclaimed. “Instead of me, Fitz.” A tear slowly slid down her cheek, but she ignored it instead choosing to focus on her hands and Alya’s stuffed monkey.

“Your perfect girlfriend. Your perfect wife. She wouldn’t have forgotten you, her husband or her daughter. And I’m sure she could have figured out how to retrieve all of her memories, if she even lost them, by now. After all, she made herself perfect for you.” The words were spat out, a bitterness Fitz rarely ever heard ringing through every word.

“Hey,” he said his voice finally breaking, “look at me Jemma.” When she instead turned her face away from him in an attempt to hide from him, he gingerly reached out his hand to her chin and gently turned her face towards him. “Look at me, Jem.”

His heart broke at the tears in her eyes and those that were steadily streaming down her face. When they had returned from the Framework, she had refused to truly let him see her pain instead choosing to be his rock and champion. She had hardly had time to truly process everything, the Chronicom’s mind prison notwithstanding, with everything that happened in space and her adventure to find him. And yet, here she was finally allowing herself to process everything that had happened, even if it was unbidden.

Using his thumb, he softly brushed away a few of her tears. “You know you can’t rush the process of remembering. Brains never delete files, they just lose connection. But there’s always a back-up and you’re working to find them. Surely and steadily, you’re working to find them, and you will Jemma. You will.”

“But…”

“No, Jem.” He stroked her cheek a few more times before reluctantly removing his hand as he shook his head completely dismissing the thought. “You’ll remember one day, I promise. But know that I choose you. I choose you now, I chose you then, I choose you in the future. I have and will always choose you. Because I love you and no matter what, I will always love you.” He reassured her.

She sighed before hesitantly admitting, “I just wish I could be perfect for you and for Alya.”

“Jemma, we don’t need someone perfect. We just need you. All we’ve ever needed is you. Besides,” he said his voice taking on a light-hearted tone, “if Alya gave you Flo, then you’re already perfect in her eyes.”

Jemma smiled for a moment before looking down and gently stroking the knit monkey’s ear that sat in her lap where her daughter had recently sat. “Fitz, you know I can’t…”

“I know,” He comforted her remembering every time he had seen the emotions which flitted across Jemma’s face whenever Alya told her that she loved her. “But you will one day. She knows you love her Jemma, even if you can’t say it.”

Jemma sighed again, tilting her head back as she blinked back the tears that threatened to fall once more. “Well,” She said with a small smile. “I believe I promised Alya that I’d read to her before bed. Do you want to join us?”

“Of course.”

Jemma sat reading the book that Alya had picked out, her daughter tucked into her side so close that she could almost hear her heartbeat. As she and Fitz imitated the voices of the different character causing Alya to burst into peals of laughter and smiles that could brighten even the darkest corner of space, she knew that Fitz was right. When the little girl occasionally gazed up at her, her eyes shining with love, she knew that Alya knew she loved her.

_I love you too, sweet girl. I love you too._

* * *

_April_

“Jemma? Where are you?” Fitz called as he made his way to the first floor of their cottage.

“I’m in here!”

“And where…? Oh, there you are.” Fitz said as he found her in the kitchen. “Do you know… Jemma, what are you doing?” He asked taking into account the mess on the kitchen counter, his eyes finally landing on the sandwich which sat on the plate Jemma held in one hand. 

“Well,” she explained shrugging her shoulders, “you’ve been stuck in the office since 7 this morning working on the schematics Mack asked you to review and you skipped lunch. So, I thought that I’d bring you something to tie you over until dinner. I hope you like it.” She smiled sheepishly before continuing, “For some reason I had the strangest idea of combining pesto and aioli, but it took a while to get the ratio right, and I’m still not entirely this is its best iteration and I’m also not sure how much should be on the sandwich. But…”

“You made this for me?” He slowly moved to stand closer to her and she handed him the plate. 

Cocking her head slightly to try and understand why he was asking her that, “Yes,” she replied. “Alya’s asleep in her room taking a nap and I just thought it would be nice. I was going to pick up turkey and swiss at the store, but then I had the craziest idea of a prosciutto and buffalo mozzarella sandwich and once I thought of that, I just really wanted to try and make pesto aioli.” She laughed before glancing at the counters. “Don’t worry, I’ll clean everything up though.” She attempted to reassure him before catching the way he was staring at her. “Why are you looking at me like that, Fitz?”

“Looking at you how?” Fitz tried to school his face into a much more neutral expression. 

“Like you want to kiss me.” She whispered before turning her attention back to the sandwich he now held in his hand. Looking at it with renewed interest, she hesitantly continued, “This, this sandwich, Fitz. It’s important to you. To us, isn’t it?”

“It is.”

“It’s your favorite.” Jemma continued slowly beginning to remember, her gaze meeting his. “And I used to make it when we were at the Academy and Sci-Ops.”

Fitz nodded his confirmation, afraid that if he said anything, he would prevent her from remembering and how he desperately wanted her to remember.

“It was an accident the first time.” She laughed softly to herself, her face brightening. “I had wanted to try and see if the grill could double as a panini machine but the store didn’t have the right type of bread, so I ended up buying the most random assortment of groceries and experimenting. And we ended up with a prosciutto and buffalo mozzarella sandwich instead!”

All Fitz could do was allow a small smile to cross his face. That was one of his fondest memories from the Academy.

“And goodness, what a mess we made in the kitchen! And I made it the one time you went with, you went with…” Jemma added, her brows creasing as she continued to remember, “And Daisy and I, we... That’s what the ICER was from! I shot Agent Sitwell because he stopped me, and we were trying to figure out what was going on.”

Fitz nodded again. “That’s right, Jemma.”

“But…”

“And it’s gone again.” She shook her head. “I can’t remember what happened afterwards, who you were with, or how you even got back from the mission. Something happened though, didn’t it, Fitz?” She asked, desperation coloring her words before she barreled on, not allowing Fitz to respond.

“Something happened. I know something happened.”

“And it’s important,” she hit her head a few times with the palm of her hand. “Why can’t I remember? Why am I stuck with all these half memories of things that I don’t know why they happened or why they’re important? I just know that I need to remember them, but I can’t!”

“Jemma,” Fitz put down the sandwich and moved closer to embrace her. “It’s okay. You don’t have to remember right now. There’s no rush, Jem. No rush at all”

“No,” Jemma said shaking her head. “Why can I remember how to make a bloody sandwich, but I can’t remember what’s important?” She turned away from him, her hand gripping tightly to the counter. “I try. I truly try. And when I start remembering and seeing things, I try and grab hold of them but every time I try to keep them, more often than not they disappear. I just want to remember.”

Jemma wrapped her arms around herself as her shoulders started to shake as she fought back the tears that were threatening to run down her face.

“I just want to remember.” She whispered. 

“Jem.” Fitz pulled her into his arms and held her, not saying a word.

Since the night of her conversation with Fitz about Aida, she had tried to be kinder to herself about remembering. Daisy often reminded her that it was a process as did Yo-yo, Mack, May, and Coulson, and Fitz had never once tried to push her to remember. Yet it was during moments like this that she couldn’t help but be disappointed with her progress and desperately wish that she could remember everything in an instant. Thankfully her memories had begun to be remembered in a manner that she no longer had episodes where she disappeared, but she was still missing so many of them. There were so many things that she longed to remember. What she wouldn’t give to remember everything about this wonderful man who had quickly become her best friend. Oh, and the sweet little girl who was still missing her mama and yet smiled at her every day and told her she loved her with such adoration and love as only a child could. What she wouldn’t do for them.

Shakily breathing in and then sighing, drawing comfort from the strong steady arms around her, Jemma put on a brave smile, “I’m alright now. Thank you, Fitz.”

“It’s okay if you aren’t okay. No one will blame you.”

“No, I’m fine. Or, I’ll be fine. In any case, you should eat that sandwich before it gets too warm.”

His eyes swept over her looking for confirmation that she truly was alright before nodding and picking up the plate. It had been so long since he had eaten one of these. No one could make them quite like Jemma and while he knew how to make them, he hadn’t been able to bear the thought of make one without her remembering.

“Fitz,” Jemma’s voice stopped him before he actually took a bite.

“Hmm?”

Smiling sheepishly at him, “There may be a tad bit too much pesto aioli on that sandwich.” She admitted.

“More than a hint?”

She nodded, “Definitely more than a hint. I can make you a new one, if you’d like. I think I remember now how much should go on it.”

Laughing, he put the sandwich back down on the plate before setting it on the counter. “How about we make it together, you and me?” 

* * *

_May_

“There,” Jemma said with a flourish and a smile. “All wrapped up nice and neat and into the closet with you as well.” 

Setting the box aside, she stared in dismay at the pile surrounding her that she still had to finish. Had it grown even larger when she had looked away? She swore that she had made more progress than this in the past 45 minutes she had been working on this particular task.

It was Alya’s birthday in a few weeks and while the team all had plans to celebrate her 4th birthday in person, they had been sending packages to their house for weeks just to make sure Alya got their gifts.

Yo-yo had sent a few from her adventures with her new team - some from both her and Mack – and others just from herself. Mack had done likewise, although his were often included with the prototypes and files he sent to Jemma and Fitz for their consultation and thoughts. May and Coulson also sent a few together, though she had seen a few packages from May that Fitz intercepted with a “we’ll just hold on to that for now,” and “Bloody hell, May, what does she need...” (She was sure those ones were stuffed monkeys). Coulson had also sent a few souvenirs from his travels, each with a note containing a story of what he had seen. They hadn’t taken Alya to explore all that many places here on Earth - for a girl who spent the great majority of her life in the cosmos, her knowledge of places on Earth was quite lacking - so each of those notes had been saved in a scrapbook that would accompany his presents. 

And Daisy... Daisy, Daisy, Daisy... And, she supposed, Daniel and Kora too. Although if the letters they received from Daniel were any indication, it was mainly Daisy since he had been pushing for science related objects and Kora simply wanted to give Alya whatever she wanted most. Kora would often include a postscript in his letters asking how everyone was and what Alya’s latest favorite thing to do was in an attempt to push Daisy towards some of those items and reel her sister in from buying everything she saw.

Daisy, on the other hand, went all out. Like Coulson, she too sent back souvenirs from the places they had seen and visited with stories - typed by Daniel or Kora - of everything. But she also sent back all sorts of gadgets - claiming Alya was half Fitz and thus it was never too early to start tinkering with technology - and plush toys created in the likeness of the flora and fauna of wherever they visited. (They had thankfully talked her out sending back actual samples for Alya, although she still included a few every now and again for Jemma to analyze.) And then there were the puzzles, books, clothes...

It was all kind of ridiculous.

They had quite a bit of space in their cottage, but if this continued for a few more years, they’d surely have to convert one of the empty rooms into a playroom. She and Fitz had already talked about installing a desk and remodeling one of the empty rooms for Alya so that she could explore, learn, and dream to her heart’s content, but they couldn’t tell their former team that. If they did, they were completely certain that they would take it as a suggestion to send even more things. Yet, for all the good natured complaining she and Fitz did, Jemma was quite touched by the love that everyone poured out on Alya. They truly saw her as family.

Except families normally wrapped their present before sending them and one person wasn’t forced to wrap all of them. Next year she’d ask that they wrap them themselves or restrain themselves from sending every item that they saw that they thought Alya might like. (Hopefully that would help reduce the sheer volume of gifts, but from what she had seen and remembered, well, perhaps she could ask Fitz to invent some sort of gift-wrapping machine.)

Picking up the roll of star decorated wrapping paper to start on a new present, a sharp pain ran through her finger. 

“Ow,” she exclaimed looking down and seeing a drop of crimson red start to bead and fall on the paper, a deep red stain quickly marring it. “Well, that won’t do.” 

Shaking her head and making a mental note to snip off the potentially bio-hazardous corner of the paper, she got up and made her way to the bathroom to clean the wound. While not devastating or terrible by any manner of the word, she did need to clean it, least it continue to sting. Paper cuts truly were the worst. Glancing out the window in the hallway, she could see Fitz chasing Alya around the garden to keep her occupied and give Jemma time to wrap some of the presents without trying to sneak a glance at what had been sent. How happy they looked together. It was a good thing that the weather was so nice that they were able to play outside. It was…

_“It is a good thing we are building a time machine as it does not matter how long it takes.”_

_“…We don’t have to rush. We could just take some time to live.”_

_“We’ve built a nice home for ourselves, could spruce it up. Live, together. No mission, no end of the world. We could just be.”_

Bloodwork, she remembered Fitz begging her to run bloodwork. He had been worried that being in space for so long and being exposed to so many things had reawakened the Chitari virus or something else she might have been exposed to during their adventures across the galaxy and on Maveth. Not to mention the sheer amount of radiation simply from being in space for such a prolonged period of time or second hand exposure to the time drive, so to ease his mind, she had agreed to run a blood panel to prove that nothing was wrong.

Brushing away those thoughts, she hurried to the bathroom. Standing in front of the sink, a wave of dizziness hit her as another drop of blood fell on the white marble and clutching her hand to her chest, she backed away before sitting down, her back pressed against the cool granite wall of the bathtub.

_“Is this about the blood work.”_

_“No, and yeah. But because we deserve it. Regardless.”_

_“Listen, if May and Coulson taught us anything, it’s that we should take the time that we have.”_

As the dizziness passed, she breathed a sigh of relief before it was replaced by an unsettled feeling in her stomach. She remembered this well. How many times had she sat in this position, or with her cheek pressed to the ground, in the hopes that the coolness of the tile would allow her some relief? How many times had she begged her stomach to settle down and allow her to continue working and helping to build DIANA and the time machine? How many times had she tried to hide what was going on in an attempt to not worry Fitz and how many times had he found her and sat next to her his eyes shining with concern? Closing her eyes, she couldn’t help but remember. She remembered…

\------

_“Fitz?”_

“It’s done then?” Fitz asked turning around to face her, tossing a piece of the time machine back and forth between his hands.

When she nodded and he took in how nervous she looked, he sat back against the table. He could only imagine what the test had revealed that could have made her so nervous. Jemma hardly ever got sick, so for something to so thoroughly cause her to be ill throughout the day and to lose so much weight so quickly, he could only imagine the worst outcomes.

“What new thing has the universe concocted to torture us with this time? Is it a virus?”

Jemma shook her head, biting her lip as she tried not to smile which only made her look more hesitant in Fitz’s eyes.

“Oh, thank God,” he breathed a sigh of relief that it wasn’t the Chitauri virus come back to haunt them once more. But if it wasn’t that, then it must be something worse. “Is it a bacterium? A toxin? A parasite? Cancer?”

“No, no, no, and no, Fitz.” Jemma couldn’t help but laugh before pausing for a second to think, “Although, I suppose some very pessimistic people could call it a parasite.” She added, a pensive look crossing her face.

“What?” He exclaimed jumping up in alarm and hurrying over to her, his eyes scanning up and down her body. “Jemma!”

“But, it’s not Fitz.” She held out her hand to placate him, “It’s not. It’s not a parasite, don’t worry.”

“Then what’s wrong Jemma?” He asked reaching out a hand to tuck a piece of her hair behind her ear before gently stroking her cheek and mentally taking note to try and find something she might be able to keep down. Her face was far too gaunt and pale for his comfort.

“You’re constantly sick, you’ve lost so much weight, and you can’t eat anything. Something is wrong. I know it is. Don’t lie to protect me. Whatever it is, we’ll get it through it, you and I.”

Yet to his surprise, Jemma just laughed again, her face lighting up with a kind of joy he hadn’t seen her have in months.

“Nothing’s wrong, everything is perfect. Fitz,” Jemma hesitated for a second before grabbing his hand and placed it lightly on her abdomen. “Everything is perfect.”

“Oh…” He breathed, his eyes searching her face in disbelief, never could he have ever thought… “Really?”

She nodded, her eyes filling with joyful tears. “Really, Fitz.” She laughed again pressing kisses around his face before pausing and smiling up at him, “You’re going to be a daddy.”

“Jemma.” He gathered her in his arm and swung her around before burying his hands in her hair and resting his forehead against hers. “Oh my Jemma. That’s wonderful news.”

\---

 _Jemma couldn’t help but gently run her finger down the cheek of the bundle she held in her arms._ Alya’s eyes were closed as she slept safe and content in her mother’s arms, but she seemed to smile at her mother’s touch. Looking down at her, Jemma couldn’t help but marvel at the little girl she held. After 5 months of extreme morning sickness – because of course the universe couldn’t make it easy for them and only caused Fitz to fret, worry, and hover – and a 26 hour labor, because once again the universe just had to make things difficult, here she was. Her Alya, her star.

Looking out at the cosmos surrounding her, she murmured softly to her daughter, careful not to wake her. “I will show you the universe, my Love. The stars, the planets, the skies above. You will be free to explore and adventure and live, but no matter how far you go, no matter where you travel, you will always have a home here with us. My Alya, how I love you.”

Hearing footsteps behind her, she couldn’t help but smile. “That’s your daddy. One day I’ll tell you the story of how he dove through a portal in space to save me. And how I have adventured through space to save him. But for you, Alya, my everything, we will move the heavens and the earth, the stars and the sky to ensure you have the life you deserve. My little love, you will know happiness, a life free of fear and a life full of love.”

Brushing a kiss to her nose, she continued. “You are our everything, my Love. You are the star in our skies.” 

“Jemma,” Fitz’s voice was soft and warm as his hands came to rest on her shoulders and she couldn’t help but relax in his embrace. “What are you doing up? You should be resting in bed.”

“I just wanted to show Alya this.” She turned to gaze out at the stars surrounding them for a moment, “Isn’t it magnificent, Fitz?”

He took in the view before turning to look down at his wife and their newborn daughter.

“Who needs space?” he asked. “’Cuz I have something magnificent right here.” He leaned over brushing a kiss to Alya’s forehead before pulling Jemma into a kiss, making sure that Alya was securely held between her parents. “I have something far more magnificent right here.”

\------

Jemma gasped, her eyes flying open as she reached down to press her hand to her abdomen. With her hand resting there, she could almost feel a phantom kick to her palm and the memory of the joy she had experienced the first time she had felt her daughter move.

Alya. She needed to see Alya.

Standing up, she could hear peals of laughter ring from the garden and the drive to see her Alya only grew. Completely forgetting the need for a bandage, she raced down the stairs and flew out the front door before pausing as she stood at the edge of the garden where Alya and Fitz were playing.

Shakily drawing in a breath, she felt tears well up in her eyes and all she could say was, “Alya.”

“Mama,” Alya said catching sight of her mother and running over to her, a smile on her face. “Have you come to play as well?”

Jemma fell to her knees in front of the little girl, drinking in every feature. The blue of her eyes, her dimpled smile, her pale blonde hair. She reached out a hand to gently push back the lock of hair that had fallen in front of Alya’s face before whispering, “Alya, my love. Oh my love.”

“Mama?” Alya’s little voice was hopeful as she stared at her mother. Looking over at her father who had sat down with quite a loud thud, she noticed that his eyes were shining just like her mama’s. “Mama, is that you?”

Jemma choked back a sob, “Oh Alya, my love. My love”. She gathered her into her arms, Alya clinging desperately to her mother. 

“You went away for such a long time, Mama. You said you would, but you were still here, you just weren’t you. I missed you.” She sniffled. “But I was a good girl for Daddy, and I did everything he asked. Please don’t go away again, Mama. We missed you.” 

“I missed you too, my love.” Jemma squeezed her even tighter as she felt her daughter snuggle into her. How could she have ever forgotten anything about her daughter and how much she loved her? Her little one, her everything. 

“I’ll never go away again, I promise, sweet girl. I love you.” She pressed a kiss to her cheek, tears running down her face. “You are the star in my skies, Alya, and I love you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think of all the chapters, this one and the next chapter have been my absolute favorite to write - particularly the vignette of Jemma remembering Alya and their true reunion. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter - let me know what you thought! I'd also love to hear your guesses about what Jemma may remember next chapter; it's going to be fun. ;) 
> 
> Stay safe and healthy, and if you're in the United States and traveling for Labor Day Weekend, please do be careful! See you next chapter!


	5. Summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer.”   
> ― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby
> 
> And so it goes…

_June_

“One second Daisy,” Jemma balanced the phone in between her head and her shoulder before grabbing the plates she had been putting together for lunch and setting them on the table.

Navigating her way around the corner to the stairs, she called up to the second floor, “Alya, love, I know you want to keep watching your fish and observing their actions, but just like you feed them every day so that they get bigger and stronger, you need to eat as well so you keep growing.”

“Coming, Mama!” Alya responded, her voice distracted enough that Jemma knew she hadn’t really heard her. “I’ll be there soon!”

“She’ll be another 10 minutes.” Jemma laughed. “I swear, Daisy, she turned 4 and all of a sudden she… she likes to pretend she’s so grown up now. And she’s grown so much! I know you just saw her, but she’s probably at least half an inch to an inch taller. I guess it’s a good thing that everyone keeps sending her clothes because at the rate she’s growing…”

“Oh! And she just discovered genetics. Wants to create her own custom plants so Fitz is supposed to take her down to the garden store later this week to pick out some plants and tools so she can try her hand at that.” She smiled at the thought. Hopefully Alya’s interest in genetics wouldn’t extend to animals after she had experimented with plants, but if she knew her daughter… Well, she’d have to talk with Fitz about how they were going to respond when that request eventually came.

“But, no,” She continued quickly, “that is not something that we’re telling anyone because otherwise we’ll be up to our neck in flora knowing all of you. We still can’t figure out where we’re putting half the stuff you brought for Alya’s birthday! And…”

“Jemma.” Daisy cut in before Jemma could continue.

“… you’ll never… Hmm? Yes, Daisy?”

“Jemma, I known you for long enough to know when you’re stalling. As much as I love hearing about Alya and everything she’s learning and doing and as much as I’m sure that Daniel and Kora will be over the moon with the new updates, I asked you how you were doing, not Alya.” 

Jemma poked her head into the breakfast nook where they normally ate and seeing that it was still empty and hearing no footsteps to indicate that either Alya or Fitz were on their way downstairs, made her way outside. Sitting down in the garden, she made a mental note that they’d need to think about how much sunlight some of Alya’s new plants would require before planting them as half of the garden received far more sun than the other half, she sighed. “I am doing well, Daisy. Well enough. There are good days and bad days and I still don’t remember everything, but I remember Alya and that’s enough.

“I also know when you’re lying, Jemma.” Daisy pushed her to elaborate. “You may have gotten better at it, but you can’t trick me. How are you really doing?”

Shrugging her shoulders before remembering that Daisy couldn’t see her, Jemma admitted, “Same as always. Wishing I could remember everything. Feeling guilty that I don’t. Trying to remember things that disappear like mist when I try to hold on to them. Wondering what happens if I never remember everything and wondering what Fitz will do if that happens.” 

When Daisy remained silent, she took it as a sign to continue, while running one hand idly through the grass next to her. “He’s been great, Daisy. So wonderful.” Her voice grew softer as an unbidden smile played on her lips.

“He’s been so patient and kind and even though we’ve been sharing the same bed for a few months now, he’s never tried anything. We fall asleep on our separate sides and when I wake up and he’s still asleep, he’s in the exact same position and hasn’t even moved an inch.” 

“Did you think he would?” Daisy couldn’t help but ask.

“No, not at all.” Jemma exclaimed shaking her head, “I know that’s not who Fitz is, but that’s not to say that other men wouldn’t have tried something. Especially if their wife didn’t remember them or their story.”

“But,” she finally admitted, “there are days when I question what I ever did to deserve him. And there are nights when he’s asleep that I lie there wondering if they’d be better off without me.”

“You listen to me, Jemma Simmons, Jemma Fitz, Jemma Fitzsimmons.” Daisy’s voice was sharp and brittle with emotion, “If you think for one moment that Fitz or Alya would be better off without you, you think back on these past 9 months and everything that has happened since you lost your memories and you tell me if you think they’d be better off without you. Because you and I both know what the answer is.”

Jemma sighed. “But is it more painful for someone to be entirely gone or for someone to still be there and not remember everything that made those they once loved important to them?” She asked. “To have stared one’s child in the eyes and not have been able to tell them that you love them because you couldn’t remember the love that you once held for them? Or to spend every day with one’s husband and not remember your wedding, your relationship, all those moments that made everything so special, or the love that you once had for them either?”

“But there are different types of love, Jemma.”

“I know, I know Daisy. But he deserves more. He deserves so much more. He deserves the world, and I’d give it to him if I could.”

“I’m willing to bet, because I know it to be fact,” Daisy said a slight laugh coloring her words, “that if you asked Fitz if he would be happy with just your friendship for the rest of his life or if he would prefer for you to be gone, he would choose option A in a heartbeat and proceed to lecture anyone who dared to ask him that question on how ridiculous the mere idea of option b was for an infinite amount of time.”

“These things take time, Jemma.” Her voice grew softer as she worked to comfort her friend, “You and Fitz didn’t discover time travel in less than a year, so why do you think that you’d be able to remember over 17 plus years’ worth of memories in less than 9 months. What you remember now is a miracle looking at how far you’ve come. Be kind to yourself, Jemma. You’re both going to be fine.”

“Jemma?” Fitz poked his head out of the door to the garden holding Alya in his arms, “This little monkey is getting hungry so we might start on lunch, if that’s okay with you.”

Jemma nodded her head. “I’m just wrapping up this phone call with Daisy. Go ahead and start without me, I’ll be there in a few minutes.” She returned the smile that he sent her before returning to the conversation.

“I’ll see you in a few months?” She asked eager to see her friend again. “In the call we had with Coulson, it sounded like he was just dying to show us the venue he created to test the possibility of using the Framework for meetings when in person aren’t a viable option.”

“We’ll see you soon.” Daisy agreed. “How is the tech coming along for that?”

“I think Fitz is almost finished with everything. He was putting the finishing touches on it earlier this week and I think he plans on testing it soon. So, if everything goes according to plan, you should be able to pick yours up the next time you make a pit stop on Earth.”

“10-4. I’ll be on the lookout for it.” Daisy confirmed before saying something so muffled that Jemma couldn’t make out what she was saying. “I’ve gotta run, I think Kora found something she wants to show me. I’ll call you next week, same time as always?”

“I’ll be here,” Jemma agreed. “I’ll be right here with Alya and Fitz.”

* * *

_July_

No!

Fitz woke with a start as a scream pierced through the air, shattering the stillness and cutting through it like a bullet. Moving with more grace than anyone should have in the middle of the night after being jarringly awoken in such a way, he quickly threw open the bedside table drawer, dug to the false bottom and pulled out the ICER that was hidden in there before even taking note of his surroundings.

Yet, rather than being attacked by an unknown enemy who had managed to sneak into their heavily protected home standing over their bed threatening Jemma and causing her to react in that manner, it was Jemma herself. Jemma who lay next to him, her face contorted as she thrashed about the bed as if trying to escape some horrible nightmare. 

“Jemma,” he whispered trying to pull her out of whatever nightmare she was having. “Jemma. Jemma. Jemma. Love,” his voice caught on the last word. He refrained from calling her that when she was awake knowing she still struggled to associate the knowledge that she was married to him, any feelings her memories told her she should have, the idea that there were still gaps in their story, and how she actually felt. She saw him as her best friend, and he respected that. However, it would be remiss to say that he didn’t miss her. Because, he did. He missed his wife, his Jemma. 

But she didn’t respond and only continued to thrash even more, her legs getting tangled in the blue sheets and her breath becoming labored as she began to gasp for air. Fitz could only watch on in horror as tears beginning to stream down her face and she held out her arms as if to hold whatever, whoever she was dreaming of.

And then she began to talk. 

“Please no. Please no. Oh, oh Fitz, what have you done? What have you done? I just have to keep swimming. Someone will save us, they have to. But he’s not breathing. Oh God, he’s not breathing.” Her voice caught, “Can you do mouth to mouth in the middle of an ocean? I don’t know, but all I can do is try. Oh Fitz, why did you do that? You’re my best friend in the whole world. What am I going to do without you? I can’t… You have to survive this. Do you hear me Leopold James Fitz? You have to survive this and if you don’t... oh, I don’t know what I’ll do. But, I’ll keep swimming. I’ll keep you here with me to whatever end, I promise.” 

He watched horrified as her voice grew softer and her arm grew limp as she gave 2 more feeble kicks, her breathing slowing down and becoming faint. “We’re going to die out here, aren’t we? You, you sacrificed yourself for me, and for what? To lead to us making it to the surface and still drowning? I’m tired Fitz, so very tired.” She paused as her head rolled to one side, “I want to stop and just let everything float by, but I can’t, can I? You’re going to live, Fitz. I promise you. You’re going to live. And I, I...”

“Jemma,” he had known immediately what she was dreaming of the second she had started talking, but he had held out hope that he was mistaken and that it wasn’t the case, yet it was. 

He had never heard, never asked about what had happened that day and he had never pushed her beyond what she was willing to share. He supposed that he could have asked her when she got back from Hydra and had been so eager to help, but at that point he had been so angry with her and the idea that she had left him when he needed her most that he hadn’t thought to ask. He hadn’t wanted to ask. And Jemma had never willingly brought it up either. He knew she had been forced to tread water for hours before Fury had rescued them both from the ocean but hadn’t been privy to the exact details. Daisy had shared with him privately how reserved and drawn Jemma had been those long 9 days when he had been in the coma and in the days afterwards when she wasn’t at his side encouraging him that he would get better. Yet, she had never shared with him what Jemma had told her about what happened after they made it to the surface. Quite honestly, he wasn’t sure if she had shared it with anyone, knowing how his wife often kept information like that to herself so she wasn’t a burden to anyone else. 

“Jemma, please. You’re safe. You’re safe.” He whispered moving over to where she now lay completely still, tears continuing to run down her face. “I promise, he lived. He lived a life far fuller than he ever dreamed possible. He lived. I lived, thanks to you. You, you saved me.” 

He reached out his hand to gently touch her shoulder and try to pull her out of the nightmare world she was trapped in but as soon as he touched her, she sat straight up, her eyes flying open and frantically dancing all over the room as she tried to gather her bearings and figure out where she was. 

“Fitz!”

“Hey, hey, you’re safe, Jemma. You’re safe. I promise, we’re safe.” He murmured again trying to reassure her. 

The moment her eyes met his, he could see the physical relief flood through her body as a portion of the tension disappeared into the night.

“Fitz,” she breathed as she flung herself at him with such speed and force that he barely had time to catch her.

“Fitz,” her voice caught again as her arms tightened around his torso, her face buried in his shoulder and her tears soaking his shirt. “I’m so glad you’re okay. I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“Jemma.”

“It was awful, Fitz.” She pulled back to look at him, her eyes red rimmed and swimming with tears. “I dreamt that we were stuck in the bottom of the ocean and there was no way to escape. But then we figured out a way to cause the window to shatter and give way, but there wasn’t enough oxygen for both of us.”

She pressed her face against his neck, “And I wanted to figure out another way, but you handed me the mask and told me that I was more than your best friend but that you couldn’t find the courage to tell me before, so you were going to show me instead. And then…” She sobbed again. “And then you hit the button and all I could do was grab you and hope that I could swim to the surface fast enough. Oh Fitz, it was awful.”

“Jem…” He murmured pulling her closer to him as he remembered how desperately he had wanted to save her and how he had simply hoped that she might be able to live and live a happy life once he was gone. “It’s alright, I survived. I’m here, I’m here with you. We’re sitting in our bed in Perthshire and Alya, our daughter, is asleep safe and sound down the hall, and we’re alive.”

She shuttered in his arms as she worked through her new memory and attempted to reconcile it with everything she already remembered. Breathing deeply a few times, “I can remember how cold the water was and how scared I was that you would never wake up again. I didn’t want to let you go when Fury saved us. I was terrified that if I let go for a single second, you’d slip away, and I’d lose you forever.” She paused.

“You did that. You really did that, didn’t you, Fitz? You gave me your last breath knowing that if I couldn’t,” She sniffled, “If I couldn’t pull you up with me, you’d die.”

He nodded, “I did. I did, Jemma. And I would make the same choice every single time.” He murmured, “I love you and I will always save you or die trying.”

He could feel her sharply inhale at his admission and was reminded of the last time he had told her that. How long ago that felt, back before everything.

Jemma stayed in his embrace for a few moments before she slowly drew away from him, her eyes searching his face before she gently reached her hand up to cup his cheek. Leaning forward, her eyes fluttered close as she went to kiss him only to find that he had pulled back.

“Are you sure?” he asked, his voice shaking, and the emotion laid bare on his face. He didn’t want her to make a decision she’d regret in the morning.

“I think.” She whispered. “I don’t remember everything. But I think, I think that I do love you. So, instead of me telling you, let me show you.”

* * *

_August_

Jemma hummed contentedly under her breath as she picked through the files Mack had forwarded to her for her review. Some of the information was irrelevant to the problem that they were trying to solve, but on the whole, it truly was fascinating what they were discovering from the samples that Daisy had sent back. Now if…

“Jemma, you’re still in here?” Fitz’s voice interrupted her train of thought, “I thought we had decided that we were going to leave at 10. It’s already 9:55.”

“It is?” she asked looking up at the clock, her eyes growing wide with disbelief as she realized that it was indeed 9:55. “Oh, I guess I just got a bit lost in the data.” She laughed sheepishly. “10:15?”

Fitz just shook his head as he bent down to help her collect all of the papers. “10:15 it is. Go on, I’ll finish tidying up and meet you downstairs.”

“You’re the best!” She said pressing a quick kiss to his cheek before racing to their bedroom to get dressed.

Since the night she had dreamt of the med pod on the bottom of the ocean and everything Fitz had done to save her, their relationship had changed. While she still didn’t have all of her memories, they had settled into an easy rhythm and relationship that just felt natural to her. When she fell asleep in their bed, the distance that had once been a chasm between them no longer existed. Often times she fell asleep curled up next to him and woke to his arm wrapped around her waist cradling her close as if he was scared she’d disappear if he let go. Yet, while she was much more open with her affection in the form of a warm hug or gentle touch on the shoulder, they hadn’t done anything more than a brief kiss now and again. Although, if Jemma was honest, that was enough for her. Besides, she wanted to fully remember him before moving forward and crossing the “event horizon” as her mind had taken to calling it, and he seemed perfectly fine with the idea. In fact, when she had mentioned that to Fitz the morning after her nightmare, he had quickly agreed before admitting that he had also wanted to discuss it and that he never wanted to pressure her into anything. He would take her cues and follow her lead.

But she was happy. She was so happy.

With Alya and Fitz. She had never dreamed that this could be her life. A life spent not running away from someone desperate to capture them or being forced to save the future. A life where her daughter was able to grow and thrive and where she happy.

Yet, in the midst of all that, there were times when she could sense that something was off. A hint or a feeling that there was something important that she should remember but that she had forgotten. It was like words that were on the tip of her tongue that she couldn’t remember or steps to a dance long forgotten that muscle memory only remembered half of it.

Like today.

There was something important about today that she knew she should remember. It wasn’t Alya’s birthday since they had recently celebrated that, and she could certainly remember her own daughter’s birthday. And it wasn’t Fitz or Daisy’s birthdays either. Nor was it Mack’s or Yo-yo’s or Coulson’s or Melinda’s – she was sure of that. She also didn’t think it was the anniversary of their first mission or the day that she graduated with her second PhD. But whatever it was, it was something important.

Glancing at the clock, her eyes widened in surprise. How was it already 10:10? Had she been so lost in her thoughts that she hadn’t noticed how late it was already?

She quickly ran a brush through her hair hoping to smooth some of the fly away hairs before racing to her closet and grabbing the first thing she could find. While she rarely wore dresses, she made the snap decision to wear one today. Dresses simply took far less time to throw on as opposed to needing to worry about finding a pair of pants and a blouse to match or even worse, a skirt and a blouse that would match color, pattern, and fabric. Throwing it on without a second glance, well without a cursory glance in the mirror to make sure that it wasn’t completely ill fitting, she grabbed a pair of sandals from their box and she quickly slipped them on as well before hurrying out the door to meet Fitz.

Making her way down the hallway, she could hear Fitz chatting with a few familiar voices, although she wasn’t entirely sure why they were here since everyone was, historically, fairly good at letting them know when they were planning on stopping by.

Rounding the corner, she stopped at the top of the stairs. “Phil? Melinda? What are you both doing here?” She asked as they all paused their conversation and turned to look at her. May and Coulson smiled brightly when they saw her although Fitz just stood there, his eyes wide as he gazed up at her.

“Well, May wanted to ditch her class in lieu of having an adventure, and I thought what better adventure than making an impromptu visit and seeing what you all were up to here in Scotland. I hope you don’t mind too much.” Coulson explained shooting May a grin. 

“It’s good to see you, Jemma” May added, fondly rolling her eyes at the man standing next to her.

Jemma smiled, “It’s good to see you too. Umm,” she paused, “We were about to leave, but if you’d like, you could come with us.” she offered glancing at Fitz who was still staring at her with a look she couldn’t place.

Self-conscious, she smoothed the front of her dress taking note that in her haste to get ready she had chosen the off-white lace dress with purple and yellow flowers and a smattering of daisies that she had purchased during a recent trip with Daisy.

Daisy had come back to Earth to pick up a few supplies, as well as the Framework device Fitz had finally perfected, and had decided to drop in for a surprise visit. (Everyone except _Daisy_ was good at letting them know when they were planning on visiting.) Alya had been overjoyed at seeing Daniel and Kora again who were more than happy spend time in the garden with her and if Kora had used her powers to encourage Alya’s plants to grow just the tiniest bit faster, no one was ever the wiser.

With Alya playing with Kora and Daniel and Fitz tied up in a project, Daisy had pulled her away for some “bad girl shenanigans” with a promise to Fitz that they’d be back before dinner and a pledge to Alya that when they got back, she’d tell her all about her newest adventures. She wasn’t exactly sure how going shopping was considered to be _bad girl shenanigans,_ but Daisy had dragged her all over town with a singular mission in mind. Thankfully at the last store of the day, Daisy had found the dress and when she had shown Jemma, her eyes had glistened quite oddly although she had refused to explain why when Jemma had asked if she was okay. She had all but forced Jemma to try it on and after seeing her in it, forced her purchase the dress. Jemma hadn’t wanted to, wondering when she’d ever wear it, but after Daisy threatened that if she didn’t, she would, and she’d purchase a bunch of other dresses for Alya and send them with this particular dress. As Alya certainly had more than enough clothes and they were easily running out of closet space for all of her outfits everyone kept sending her, Jemma had conceded and bought it.

“We’d love to have you.” Jemma added when neither Coulson nor May accepted her invitation.

“Oh, we couldn’t possibly intrude,” Coulson said with a wave of his hand. “But,” he continued, “We’d love to spend some time with Alya, if you don’t mind.”

Jemma looked over at Fitz once more who had switched to staring at his feet. She wasn’t sure what the plans were supposed to be – all Fitz had said when he originally brought up the idea was that he thought it would be good to get out of the house and enjoy the nice weather. Although now that she thought about it, where was Alya? Wasn’t their trip supposed to be a family adventure?

Fitz cleared his throat before looking up and answering, “No, that would be fine. I’m sure Alya would love to spend time with both of you.”

Jemma nodded, “She’s been working on reading the notes that you’ve sent her and has been placing stars on the places you’ve been on the map that Mack sent her. She has all sorts of questions about everything you’ve seen. I’m sure she’ll be so excited to see you.”

“She’s in her room if you want to go on up.” Fitz added.

“We’ll see you when you return,” May gently squeezed Jemma’s arm as she and Coulson passed her on the way to Alya’s room. “Have fun.”

“Well, that was a nice surprise.” Jemma said as she hurried down the stairs to Fitz. “I’m sure Alya’s going to be over the moon to see them both.”

And if the squeal of “Poh Poh May” and “Grandpa Phil” was any indication, Alya was very happy to see them.

A small grin passed over Fitz’s face before he nodded and swallowed hard. “Ready to go?” He asked offering her his hand.

“Ready.”

\------

“Oh Fitz, this is beautiful!” Jemma exclaimed amazement coloring her words and a bright smile on her face as she took in park around her. “We should have convinced Phil and Melinda to come with us. I’m sure that they and Alya would have loved this.”

“Oh!” She grabbed his hand, pulling him towards a nearby clearing framed by trees, “Look, there’s even little waterfall and pond right over there. Oh, how gorgeous.”

Jemma spun around to look at him, her hands clasped underneath her chin, the light streaming through the leaves causing Fitz to nearly loose his breath. Standing there, she looked almost exactly like she had in the pictures and video he had hidden away of their wedding. The irony never failed to escape him that he had no memory of their wedding as he hadn’t actually been there and that Jemma, who had been there, currently didn’t remember either. But he had brought her here to celebrate their anniversary – even if she didn’t remember it – so at the very least, they could have a nice lunch together and just enjoy each other’s company.

“It’s magnificent.” He said before laying the blanket down. Straightening it before sitting down, he placed the picnic basket besides him, and patted the ground next to him.

“Places like this make me glad that we chose to stay on earth.” Jemma confided as she helped him pull out the meal he had packed – sandwiches, a variety of strawberries, cherries, and raspberries, some crisps, and a few cans of sparkling water. “From what I can remember, space was stunning, but looking at how peaceful it is here, how could we ever leave?” She glanced around before adding softly and almost as a comment just to herself, “There’s something here that makes me feel as if I’ve been here before, or at least somewhere like this before.”

“I’m glad you like it,” he said with a smile. And he was. He had searched high and low for a place that he thought at least resembled the strange and yet beautiful park Deke’s fears had created all those years ago. He wasn’t by any means trying to force her to remember or to trick her mind into remembering; they had learned by now that it best for her to remember naturally. He simply wanted her to have a fond memory that she could actually remember of a place like this.

As they ate, they jumped from topic to topic, falling into the old familiar rhythm of conversation. There was no particular topic or theme driving their discussion, they were just happy to spend time with each other. Although, they did spend a decent amount of time discussing the research which Jemma had been working on for Mack as she thought that Fitz might be able to expand on some of the ways she had imagined they’d be able to use the findings from her research to upgrade some of SHIELD’s tech and equipment.

As Fitz watched Jemma light up at one of his suggestions and rapidly start to hypothesize how else they could adapt it to better help Daisy with her mission, he was reminded of their days at the Academy when they would spend hours on end in his room discussing possible ideas and inventions.

He was lost in his own memories when he realized that Jemma had suddenly stopped talking and was again staring pensively at the clearing, her head cocked to one side deep in her own thoughts.

“What is it?”

“Nothing, I just had…” Jemma got up and slowly walked over to the edge of the hill, looking out at the water. The crystal blue water sparkling merrily under the sun as if welcoming her.

“I remember a place like this.” She whispered. “But it wasn’t…” She paused for a second.

“I now pronounce you man and wife.” She murmured her mind flashing back to the bar they had visited after Daisy had saved her and Deke from the Chronicoms. “Coulson said that and the rest of the team was there as well. I remembered being married, but…”

Fitz scrambled to stand up and could only stare as Jemma turned around to look at him, tears in her eyes. “I remember trying on that white dress for the first time. Daisy was with me and she burst into tears when I turned around. She did the same thing when I tried on this dress. It was the only dress that Deke could find at the secondhand shop. And oh, how ill-fitting it was! I swear we stuck so many pins in that silly dress trying to get it to fit properly that I was worried I’d prick myself just standing there. It wasn’t what I had ever imagined, but it was perfect.”

She closed her eyes, “And I so scared, but so excited.” She drew a breath in, her hands reaching up as if to fiddle with an imaginary chain around her neck before settling on her heart. “I remember my heart feeling as if it were going to burst and Daisy and May standing with me by the water as we waited for you, holding my arms since my legs felt as if they would give way at any moment.”

“And then, and then,” She opened her eyes once more, her eyes gleaming in the sunlight, but crystal clear and present, “and then you walked through those elevator doors and I knew everything would be okay. Fitz.” She said as she walked towards him.

“I knew from the moment I saw you, from our first conversation about dielectric polarization at the Academy, that you'd be in my life for a long time. But I didn't know you would be my life.”

Jemma took his hands in hers, his hands trembling as he fought back the tears welling up in his own eyes. “My heart. My home. We joined the team, our team, for adventures and got more than we had ever hoped. There was sadness and death, yes, but there was beauty and joy as well. And I can't wait for our next adventure. This adventure.”

She raised her hand up to tenderly brush away the tears now freely falling down his face. “Building our family together. Our family with Alya, you and I and whoever else the future may bring and the cosmos trusts us with.” She whispered. “My love for you grows deeper and always will, no matter where the universe takes us next. I will always find you, Fitz, no matter how long it takes me to come home. I love you and I always have, and I always will.”

Cupping the side of his face, she stared up at him, the love he had seen so many times that had been absent for so long now shining brilliantly in her eyes, “I’m sorry I can’t give you back the time that we missed. All those months where I didn’t remember everything. But I can give you me. All of me. Now and forever more.”

Gently bringing his head down, her lips met his and she kissed him, a smile on her lips. Drawing back slightly, she rested her forehead on his, her laugher joyfully ringing out throughout the clearing, “I remember, Fitz. I remember.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I did this chapter justice. The pod scene was actually the first scene I wrote for this and the wedding, the last. It only seemed fitting to include both of them in the same chapter. I loved hearing your guesses of what you thought would happen.
> 
> Just the epilogue left now. Thank you for coming with me on this rollercoaster of emotions and love letter to Fitzsimmons' story. Stay safe and healthy and I'll see you next chapter! 💙
> 
> Note: Poh Poh is grandmother in Cantonese. I believe Ming-Na Wen is actually Cantonese, so it just felt appropriate for Alya to call her that.


	6. And they lived happily ever after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No matter how much time passes, no matter what takes place in the interim, there are some things we can never assign to oblivion, memories we can never rub away.”  
> ― Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

“Jemma,” Fitz popped his head through the door of their shared office, “ready to go?”

Looking up from the anatomy report Daisy had asked her to run on some unusual samples they had encountered in space, she smiled. “Yeah, just give me one moment and I’ll be ready. Can you get Alya?”

Fitz nodded. “Love you,” he told her as turned around making his way down the hallway that had once laid bare and now stood proudly adorned by pictures of their many adventures together and most importantly, those they held dear.

“Monkey, let’s go have a picnic in the garden!” he playfully announced, his voice echoing throughout their home.

“Love you too!” she called after him before adding, “And don’t forget to grab an umbrella or a raincoat for Alya. Hopefully it won’t rain, but it looks like it might!”

At the sounds of Alya and Fitz’s laughter, Jemma smiled contentedly to herself as she gathered the report and gently placed it on the corner of the desk. She didn’t think that she’d forget to upload it and send everything back to Daisy, but they had promise Alya that they’d work in her garden after their picnic and meeting. Additionally, after having been cooped up for a few in their office while Fitz had been working nonstop in their lab to ensure everything for today ran smoothly, she just wanted to spend some time with her husband. So, she’d probably have to send everything after Alya and Fitz went to bed.

While she and Fitz were still “retired,” she was certain they would soon end up working in more than just the occasional consulting capacity that they had taken to allow her memories to return. She had no plans on returning to the field unless they were desperately needed – and she was sure with Alya, Mack would be hard pressed to make the argument for them to return. However, with the fully equipped lab that she had designed here in Perthshire, which Fitz had finally shown her after they had returned from the park that fateful afternoon, they could do anything from their home that they could have done at any of the SHIELD facilities. (Honestly, they could probably do more from their personal lab then they could do from many of the SHIELD labs.)

Besides, with Daisy exploring the galaxy with Daniel and Kora, Mack as Director and working aboard the Hovercraft, Yo-yo leading her team, Melinda teaching, and Phil getting to enjoy everything he never had been able to before, it simply wouldn’t be the same. That and she was tired of hearing “it’s classified” being thrown around – joking or not joking – every so often. She was far older and had experienced far more than her 17 year old self had ever imagined possible, but she still had a million questions she wanted to answer.

Most importantly, now they had Alya to think about. As wonderful as the chance to grow up surrounded by the stars and the cosmos was, she had promised her daughter long ago as she held her newborn in her arms and they stared up at those brilliant stars that she would know freedom and fresh air and have space to run and explore. She wouldn’t bring her up in a base or on an aircraft.

No, Alya would grow up here in Perthshire with everything her little girl ever imagined possible and everything she and Fitz ever wanted her to have. And maybe, just maybe, one day, a sibling would join her. Jemma didn’t want her growing up lonely, even if she was surrounded by two parents who loved her more than life itself and aunts and uncles and grandparents who loved and spoiled her beyond belief.

If she closed her eyes, she could almost picture Alya and their littlest one dancing in the garden, their smiles bright against the vibrant green grass and cloudless blue sky. But that was a conversation and dream for another time. Right now, she had a family to waiting for her and a meeting to join.

Heading outside to meet Alya and Fitz who had already spread the plaid picnic blanket on the grass, the lunch she had packed earlier that morning still sitting in its basket, Jemma sat down beside Fitz before worriedly asking, “Are you sure she’ll be okay?”

“Jem,” Fitz took her hand in his and softly stroked the back of it with his thumb. “We have a security system that took Daisy a good 20 minutes to make any progress getting through and that was after she had practiced on one of the dummy systems we had created together. If it took Daisy that long, Alya will be perfectly fine and I’ll have my eyes on her the whole time.”

“I just hate to leave her alone.” The _again_ went unsaid, although they both knew what she meant.

“But you’re not. And Alya knows that. She knows that you’d never choose to go away and leave her behind. But she also knows, that if you did, you’d do anything and everything you could to come back home to us.” He lifted her hand and pressed a tender kiss to it as if to reassure her that he was truly right there besides her and he had no plans to ever be anywhere else. “You’re right here and I’m here and we’ll both hear Alya if she says anything and feel her touching us if she needs us. Don’t worry.”

Jemma nodded still a little worried, but she supposed that was just part of being a mother.

“Alya,” she said pulling her precious daughter into her lap and gently tucking back her white blonde hair behind her little ear, “we’re going to go meet your Aunt Daisy, Auntie Yo-Yo, Popo May, Grandpa Phil, and Uncle Mack for a little bit. But we’ll be right here if you need us. Can you be a good girl and stay in the garden while we meet them? We’ll have lunch together afterwards, but if you want,” She exaggeratedly winked catching Fitz’s eye and causing him to smile, “you can have a biscuit before we have our sandwiches.”

“Really, Mama?” Alya asked excitedly, “did you make my favorite?”

Jemma nodded. “I did, my Love. But you can only have one right now and we’ll save the rest for after lunch. We don’t want you spoiling your appetite.” She said as she playfully started kissing the little girl’s cheeks.

“Mama!” Alya laughed, trying to move her face away, but her arms coming up to hug her mama’s neck and keep her close. “Okay, okay, I’ll be good!”

“Just tug on my leg if you need anything, okay, Monkey?” Fitz asked he handed Jemma the small circular Framework device and she attached it to her temple.

“Yes, Daddy.” Alya agreed.

“Good.” Fitz nodded as he attached the device and turned it on, his eye glazing over.

“We love you, Alya, and we’ll be right here.” Jemma added before brushing another quick kiss to her daughter’s forehead and pulling her into a tight hug before letting her go. “We’ll be right here if you need us.” Steeling herself, she turned on the device and the garden and her daughter who sat next to her smiling up at her disappeared around her as it was replaced by a virtual world.

Entering the Framework she smiled to herself as she recognized the location Phil had chosen. How appropriate that he had chosen the last place they had all been together as a team as the place they were going to test the Framework meeting system. The last place they truly had been together with Fitz joining them in that alternative timeline and world and with Deke still with them on their adventure.

Sitting down next to Fitz, she watched as everyone else made their way into the bar and marveled at how realistic everything appeared. If she pretended not to know that it was the Framework, she might have truly believed that they were actually sitting together in the same room once more.

She couldn’t help but allow a bittersweet smile to cross her face as she listened to everyone banter about how many times they had died or almost died. (Yet another reason she and Fitz would not be returning to the field.) How lovely it was that the whole team was here, and that everyone had been able to escape, if simply for a few minutes, but she couldn’t help but feel a slight ache in her heart knowing that they were missing Deke.

Deke…

She remembered how Fitz had held her the night she remembered exactly who Deke had been to them and everything they had been through. It about killed her knowing that they were never ever able to say goodbye, but Fitz had reminded her that they might see him again in the future. He wouldn’t be their Deke, their funny, slightly socially awkward, yet willing to do what needed to be done, loyal and loving grandson that they had once known. But with the idea of Deke growing up with his mother – their Alya, who Jemma couldn’t even begin to imagine being a mother; her little girl – and his father in a safe and loving world who would embrace all of his idiosyncrasies and talents and let him flourish, how could she not want that for him? He deserved the world. Plus, she knew that Fitz was working on a way to try and communicate between universes and let Deke meet with them in the Framework somehow. So, she had hope that one day they would see him, his adult self, if only for a second to know that he was alright.

But she wasn’t going to let that stop her from enjoying the time with her friends that she had. Of course, everyone still kept in touch and got together when they could. After all, they had just seen Phil and Melinda when Fitz had tricked her into going on a date with him and she knew that Mack and Yo-yo had been trying to organize a time to come visit them as a pair. Yo-yo had heard about Daisy’s surprise visit and refused to be out of the running for favorite aunt. But seeing everyone in one place at the same time? That had only happened for Christmas and Alya’s birthday and it would be a lie if she said she hadn’t missed everyone. It was strange going from seeing these people, her friends, their family, every day to being forced to rely on phone calls and video chats and the sporadic, one-off visits. She and Daisy used to be separated by mere bedrooms and now they were lightyears away from each other. She knew that life moves on and she wouldn’t trade the life she had now for anything, but she still missed everyone, and she supposed, she always would.

While it was hard to coordinate around everyone’s schedules, as spontaneous as Mack and Yo-yo’s were and given how Phil was rarely in the same place for longer than a few weeks, Jemma made a mental note to ask Daisy during their weekly phone call when she was planning on coming home next. Once she had a date, she could make sure that everyone was there to welcome them home. That would be a wonderful surprise.

Yet, all too soon the meeting ended as everyone was pulled back into their own duties and responsibilities. How funny that after saving the world so many times, it was life that pulled them away from each other. As they said their goodbye, she couldn’t help but feel a slight twinge in her heart. She knew that this wasn’t goodbye by any means, but it was never easy saying “see you later” to those she loved and held dearly. She had said goodbye too many times in her life already.

Still, after promising Daisy she’d send her the anatomy report later that evening after Fitz had gone to sleep, she couldn’t help but smile at the scene that greeted her as the virtual world faded away and left in its place, the vibrant and real world. While she was still in the meeting, Alya must have convinced her daddy to play tag as her husband was now standing up and chasing their daughter. As he caught her and picked her up, peals of joyful laughter rang throughout the garden and a sense of peace washed over her. This was what they had been fighting for. This was what they all had been fighting for.

_Family_.

For her and Fitz, it was a chance for Alya to live a life safe and loved and nothing like the aborted timeline where the Kree had taken over and all humanity as forced to live in the Lighthouse. A life of love. A life of trying new things and sometimes failing. Of failing, but not being afraid to fail because failure is simply a chance to learn and there is no such thing as truly failing. A life where she would fear nothing.

No, her daughter – their children – would grow up running in the garden, spoiled and cared for by their aunts and uncles, and loved beyond all imagination by parents who would stop at nothing to keep them safe. Even if it meant creating a time machine and venturing into an alternative timeline.

“We could go back you know.” Fitz’s voice interrupted her thoughts, as he sat down beside her, Alya still giddily running around the garden, her hands open as she spun around, raindrops dancing all around her.

“I’m sure Mack would be more than willing to make you head of the science branch or May would be more than happy to have you teach.”

“I don’t need that.” Jemma shook her head, a contented smile on her face, “I have the most marvelous thing imaginable right here.”

She pulled him into a quick kiss, before staring up at him, her eyes shining with joy, “I love you, Fitz. Now and always.”

_And they lived._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, thank you, thank you for coming with me on this journey. I hope that this story made you cry a little, but smile as well and made you feel a bit of sadness, but ultimately joy. I cannot tell you have much I have loved reading your comments and knowing that you enjoyed this story as well. I'd love to hear what you thought of everything, but thank you for reading this and being willing to share in this adventure with me. 
> 
> Stay safe and stay healthy and take care of yourself. 💙

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own anything in association with Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. 
> 
> My lovely beta is once again avoiding all spoilers, so it was just me this time around. Apologies for any and all mistakes or awkward phrasing. This was bouncing around in my head since the finale and had to be written. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and stay safe and healthy!


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